2009

Is it just me or did this year just pass by in a flash? Overall it was a great year...and ended with a bright clean slate for me to reinvent and start my life all over again. What a great opportunity...to surrender and embrace the surprises this uncertainty will bring. I am ready...for a vacation! I am off to Miami for 10 days to recharge and share with family and friends. I will be making my list of plans for the year and crossing out my accomplishments. Filling myself with drive and energy to find a new job and create a wonderful new year.

I am so happy and excited about my life right now and what it too come. 2008 was great, 2009 can only get much much better.

my path

These have been trying weeks. I needed to read the wise words of Sue Monk Kidd to remember that the path of spiritual growth in never one of comfort. God allowed me allowed to catch my breath for twelve months and decided that for my own blessing it was time to move on. Funny thing because this is the first job I did not want to run from. So I am not looking at myself as part of the statistics or a victim of the economy, I am simply living this as a blessing that will take me closer to where I am supposed to go. I have had a lot of supportive friends, I feel moved to continue on the career path I had begun....but...there is a bit of tingling in my heart that has made me open to moving to other places and starting over...

Of course I always think of Simone and the support and love we have around but there is a big part of me that wants to expose her to the world and how our actions can transform lives. So we watched this together and found it very inspiring.

I am releasing to the universe that my soul is maybe ready to move on. The only thing that I am attached to I can take with me, so why tie myself down?

lucky

So I got laid off last Friday. To say the least, I was SHOCKED! and then devastated...that evening while talking to my sister-in-law, she says "you've been through divorce and tough times in the real estate market but you've always had money and you've always been fine and things have always turned out for the better"..."you are the luckiest person I know!"

To this I answered"...really? because to me it has always felt that anytime in life when I've felt I can breath and relax, the carpet is pulled from under me so that I fall on my ass AGAIN!" I then went on to say that I am resilient and I choose to make the best of any challenge and dust off and start building and creating the next chapter of my life but that it takes great effort and I was hoping to save myself from that work right now. The truth is that I was happy at my job, I enjoyed coming in everyday and I really liked my co-workers. I tire easily at jobs but at this one, I did not feel I was done yet...plus no one gets to see the dirty work of being resilient!

On the other hand it really helped me see my life from that perspective, if anything all these falls have caused is that my world has expanded and I have grown. I get up faster now, cry less and get ready to fight it out sooner. I have to go back to my old lessons and remember that I have always done best when I let go quickly, do everything that is for me to do and let God take care of the rest. The details are not my problem...yesterday as I was leaving after picking up my things from work I did what I do at the end of yoga practice where you breath in the experience and it's gifts and then as you breath out you let it go. Namaste. and you move on.

So here I am, with all these plans to keep me busy and learning...and happy to have time to relax this holiday season. And as that old colombian new year's song says "Ano Nuevo Vida Nueva" New Year New Life - I am ready for my bigger blessings and my lucky new year!

a guide to living life

UCHUVA

UCHUVA was born from two friends' desire to bring art and fashion back into their corporate careers. Pilar and Giselle have known each other for over 18 years and although they received degrees in Fashion Design and Architecture, the path of life has taken them on an alternate route in the corporate world and motherhood. UCHUVA’s creations come together on a large antique table surrounded by children playing while their mothers immerse themselves in a world of beads. UCHUVA is a luscious mix of natural materials brought from their native Colombia and a variety of elements they find on their beading shopping sprees.

For UCHUVA's latest checkout www.3littlebirdstoldme.com

girls just want to have fun!

These have been crazy times. A lot to keep me busy and entertained. This fall has been filled with small trips, the last of which whisked me away to Orlando with my colleague. We had lots of fun and even got to attend a Lionel Richie concert. We were so close we almost got LR sweat...I am actually happy we didn't get LR sweat. My colleague profoundly disagrees.

My parents who have been living in my home for the last year and a half, left a week ago for Colombia so this weekend was the first weekend in a long time that Simone and I had alone time.
I must say that I am so impressed by my ability to multi-task.

In just one weekend:

1. Staffed a table for UCHUVA at a Holiday Show...we ROCKED!
2. Went with Simone to my nieces cheerleading practice.
3. Did laundry.
4. Shopped for a babyshower gift.
5. Had a yummy lunch at a restaurant with Simone.
   
6. Attended the babyshower.
7. Watched a very good family movie with my sweet princess.
8. Read a book with Simone.
   
9. Did more laundry.
10. Cleaned Simone's room.
11. Went to church.
12. Went to get a snack and a craft for Tuesday's Brownie meeting that I will be hosting.
13. Went grocery shopping.
14. Cooked lunch.
15. Cooked lunch for tomorrow.
    
16. Cleaned kitchen.
17. Spray painted boxes for Tuesday's craft.
18. Watched 2 movies with Simone.
19. Checked out Facebook.
20. Cleaned my bathroom.
21. Read with Simone.
22. Tucked her in bed.
23. Went online...it's an addiction.

I did SO MUCH...I even managed to get 10 hours of sleep last night. Simone and I had so much fun, we chatted, joked, ate, played and loved each other tenderly all weekend. It was beautiful.

motherhood

This is the most beautiful of the journeys I embark on everyday. I say everyday because each day is different and comes with its challenges and it's blessings. I am now in Orlando on a business trip and I miss my sweet Simone dearly. To hear her little voice on the phone is so exciting...to listen to her excitement as she recounts the daily events in her life.

I can say the 7 is a challenging age. There are more of their own person and you begin to see a bigger influence of the outside world and the baggage even small children carry around. You see there insecurities and their dreams, you guide them through struggles. They become more imperfectly human and you as a parent have to conquer your own fears and struggles to help them navigate their own.

I find myself reacting like my parents reacted and I am trying hard to be a present and conscious parent. To let her to bloom into her own little person and maybe have her carry as light a baggage as possible.

Tonight I will be once again reunited with my baby girl...she is dreamy and I am so looking forward to it.

faith...

Everyday I am learning, as I have probably stated multiple times on this blog. Recently I have clearly seen the power of faith, the power of declaring, detaching myself from the outcome and moving forward. One clear example is my car. When I got back to DC and started my divorce process I got a used VW Jetta. Less than a month after having the car I got into a car accident- my very first car accident. Many people told me to get rid of the car and I immediately decided on my head that that was just something I couldn’t do. I was starting a new job, my credit wasn’t great (although by far better than it is now) and I had no money. The car was repaired and I continued to drive it on an 80 mile daily commute.

Six months later I got into another car accident, when a girl ran a red light. The car was never repaired properly, there were issues with the insurance and continued to keep the car, I have had no AC for years. Last year the car was parked for 5 months and then I had to put more than $2000 worth of repairs - and about $800 per year before. I still kept the car. In the last 9 months it has continued to fall apart, the dashboard looks like a Christmas tree. All this time I have been thinking “there is no way I can get a new car”. A couple of months ago, J was driving the car and put on the emergency brake. Something happened and since then, whenever you drive the car there is an annoying beeping sound. They have not been able to make it go away with out a big investment on my part. I was upset and then I took it as God saying “Giselle, I have tried everything I can think of to make you get rid of this car, I am now sending you the most annoying beeping sound as a reminder that you have to get rid of it. Don’t ask how you are going to get by, don’t worry that your credit is absolutely shot, just let it go” and so I did; and only because God chose the right signal this time.

So I told my great friend that I needed a new car and she replied by saying that she would buy it under her name (WOW!) then I mentioned it to my ex-husband and he offered to buy it too. A few weeks later he offered to give me his current car (2008 Volvo) because he doesn’t use while he’s working. I accepted and just flew down to Miami this weekend to pick it up _ needless to say it is great and probably up there as the best car I have ever had. I got offers from people to drive it up but I had to pay the ticket and it’s still an investment going down and gas. Then a friend calls me out of the blue, that she wants to go because she needs a few days off and will drive back with me (she saves herself the money for the ticket) and boom, it’s set. In fact I bought our tickets 3 weeks ahead and it’s probably the first time I buy tickets 3 weeks in advance to anything in my life. I also got to spend time with lovely girlfriends and have a great time!!

It all came together and I am just amazed at how when we are faced with challenges and we don’t react but just faithfully accept that this too shall pass and it all will be solved – we are delivered with beautiful miracles.

tan corto el amor, tan largo el olvido...

"love was so short, so long the goodbye"
It hasn't been easy. There have been moments of intense longing but there has always been the knowing that going back will take me back to a place where I just wasn't happy anymore.


He has made it easy because despite of professing his love so much he has done nothing. He has withdrawn almost completely and sends text messages like an old friend. I think he was feeling pressured by my expectations and not having lo live up to them and be able to do whatever he wants, just makes him feel better and happier. It's sad because there are people that do not have his well being in their best interest and just want to have fun and will go along and provide support to what ever crazy thing he wants. As long as he continues to be funny and a source of entertainment and he doesn't see that.


I know I can't see him anytime soon. I would fall back into this game all over again. I know I have to maybe go cold turkey. I know I feel better, talking myself through this time, being patient with myself. Letting go of any type of expectation...


I am hoping to start therapy soon, I think I keep repeating certain patterns and I want to identify where they come from.


Back in the spring I had said that I would give this relationship until the end of the summer...and with out me doing anything it just fell apart on its own. Talk about the power of declarations.

now

words calm my soul
they quiet my aching heart
they reach out to you now that you are gone

i know you are hurting
i know you miss my voice
i know you feel ready to say goodbye

we've never been on this road before
where love does not seem to paint our world
we might reunite to walk together once again

or we might have reached the end of our road

the road I have chosen...a world of possibilities

Many times I go back to old posts to remind myself of different times in my life and to remind myself of decisions I had taken.

What I wrote last week has happened and once again he didn't do the work and he left me waiting. I was terribly sad, one part of me wanting to react horribly and punish him somehow for making me ache. Another part of me was just watching the whole time. I wanted to cry all day because I felt so helpless, because I felt it all slipping away.

I have held unto relationships longer than I should before, I have lived through endings and know what it feels like. I know I hold on until the pain of staying gets bigger than the pain of letting him go. And so that is where I find myself now. I hope I am not a quitter, I know I am a believer and truster (if there is such a word). I believe in surrendering to love and I believe in honesty.

I am through with manipulative love games. I am sick of playing all my 33 years. I want a REAL relationship, one in which I feel I have come home. My coach said that until I am truly available I will keep running into "unavailable" men...maybe it's true. I feel so ready- although I need to take a breather of all this romantic turmoil.

I am not saying that it is all over. I have never said that in any relationship because letting go opens the world to a multitude of possibilities and I still believe in miracles. I guess I just have to wait and see...

blessings

A few weeks ago I wrote some sad words about a moment in my life. There were all true, all full of determination and good intentions then life had other plans... after a business trip that allowed me time on my own and some soul searching more challenges came. My reactions are always the same and then today I received an answer: it had been nearly 3 weeks since I went to Unity and today I went and to my surprise we had a guest speaker. A wonderful coach/minister/musician that taught lessons of self love and was giving a session in the afternoon about relationships. An answer to my prayers!

Normally I never go to afternoon sessions because I have Simone but today I was absolutely available to be there. Just perfect.

It was wonderful, it was funny and it was enlightening. I was reminded that what we see in others is a mirror of ourselves. Even what we hate in others. I was reminded that the only true answer is love. I learned that partnerships are spiritual and that we should (ideally) be with people who want to grow and be willing to do the work. I learned so many other things I can't even bring into words. I spoke to L a bit ago and had so much love for him. I truly want him to be ok and I am willing to be there and not run like I've done in the past. What capacity I will be involved in his life, I don't know but I will be there, if only as a witness. I know I can't do any of the work for him and that him not doing it may just mean the real end to any romantic involvement. I know there is a lesson here for me and if I live it bravely and being present and allowing his true soul to shine through then I have done my job. My soul feels complete. I am not expecting anything from him and that gives me so much peace.

The other relationship in my life, well I learned that for one, your marriage will never work if you have not weaned yourself from your parents (DUHHH...one reason I am divorced now!) Second, that we are just not supposed to live with our parents, it's just not natural. So I will manage this situation with love as well. I was blessed with a whole strategy popping into my brain and I am HAPPY!

I had been upset thinking how all this chaos was going to take place in my life, now I feel like I am really up for the challenge. I can do this with love, presence and acceptance.

So for all those that were worried, thank you. Your words and love are a blessing. I sometimes write more than I should, mostly because it's a therapy for myself. In writing I find healing and answers and there are always challenges in life. The only thing you can control is how much you are willing to suffer over them.

special sunday

Simone was baptized but if you ask her she will say it was her bath-patism. I have no desire to correct her. It was a wonderful and surprising day. We were blessed to share it with some of the people closest to our hearts. Other we missed...

Since a picture is said to be worth a 1000 words (and I am short on time) - I hope these 4 count as a really long post.

Our lovely Maia - Simone's Godmother.

wondering

If he is missing me as much as I am missing him?

UCHUVA

So we are setting up our Etsy store for online ordering and making rounds to our local customers. We are loaded with gorgeous goodies that will take your breath (and your money) away. It's all for a good cause as a percentage of every purchase will be donated to Carolina's Hope, a foundation raising funds for my 14 year old cousin's fryomalgia and lyme disease treatment.

what are you doing?

I feel so boring when people ask me this. I haven’t traveled much in the last year; my last vacation was over a year ago. I work 5 days a week from 7:30 to 4:00. I go to the gym about 2 days a week and work out at home a couple of days more. I recently took up Body Pump and love it. I read to Simone not nearly enough since she started reading on her own. I take her to ballet/tap class on Mondays and gymnastics on Thursdays. I download podcast of inspirational speakers and listen to them on my way to work or I listen to NPR. I watch TLC or Style if I watch TV…the only shows I watch are Dancing with the Stars and Jon and Kate Plus 8. I go to church at least 2 Sundays a month. I work on UCHUVA one evening a week and one afternoon on the weekends. I see my boyfriend one day a week but talk to him on the phone all day long. I do something entertaining at least one evening a week with friends or boyfriend and one evening with Simone. I don’t meditate or pray enough…or read enough and yet I feel as if I am busy all the time, tired all the time, have nothing really interesting to say when people ask me this and yet……I am never bored or unhappy. I really enjoy my life as is. I do want to meditate more and have at least 15 minutes of quiet every day and I want to do more yoga, invest more time in my education and travel more. I want to take walks or runs in the afternoon with Simone.

I have recently discovered that there is fear in me when it comes to traveling. I have not been able to pinpoint it exactly but is there…something new to work on.

So there, that is my life and that is what I am doing!

By the way, did you notice that 90% of my life revolves around my daughter….I hadn’t!

words flow into my life when she comes to mind...

Simone is my very favorite subject...everything interesting in my life revolves around her, I am fascinated by seeing her grow up. I am marveled everyday by her strong personality. One recent instance come to mind.

Her dad came to visit her over spring break and we went to the National Building Museum for a Cherry Blossom Festival event. When we were done there, we decided to stop by the Verizon Center a couple of blocks away and maybe take her to the circus. I have many times made Simone aware of the treatment of the animals at the circus and how I don't want her to go. Since we were there, so much excitement was going on, we figured we might let her see it. We didn't tell her but just went inside to find out about the tickets. She kept asking why so many people were there, what was going on...finally we told her that it was the circus. She looks up and asks "does it have animals?" we tell her yes. She says "let's go, I don't want to see it."

We tell how proud we are of her making that choice, she walks quietly and looks up at me and says "why were you going to take me in there?" OK...here is mom that talks but does always follow through...

Can I just say that my daughter is awesome, that I have no idea where that strength and determination comes from...that she surprises me everyday and that I feel completely blessed to be her mom.

silence

I have been really quiet lately....I really don't seem to find anything to write about. My blog at least is personal and has few readers but I am facing the same dilemma at work. I have been commissioned to write my first magazine article with the title "Affordable Green" and to finish a Hispanic Consumer Report; both with Friday deadlines. Can I just say that my procrastination has gone to its maximum level and I keep waisting time at my desk?

Scary...such a privilege to do both things, but my mind, knowing that these are challenging tasks, is not cooperating much. Oh well, I better get my act together in the next 5 minutes and make this a very productive afternoon.