Wednesday, September 3, 2008

tan corto el amor, tan largo el olvido...

"love was so short, so long the goodbye"
It hasn't been easy. There have been moments of intense longing but there has always been the knowing that going back will take me back to a place where I just wasn't happy anymore.

He has made it easy because despite of professing his love so much he has done nothing. He has withdrawn almost completely and sends text messages like an old friend. I think he was feeling pressured by my expectations and not having lo live up to them and be able to do whatever he wants, just makes him feel better and happier. It's sad because there are people that do not have his well being in their best interest and just want to have fun and will go along and provide support to what ever crazy thing he wants. As long as he continues to be funny and a source of entertainment and he doesn't see that.

I know I can't see him anytime soon. I would fall back into this game all over again. I know I have to maybe go cold turkey. I know I feel better, talking myself through this time, being patient with myself. Letting go of any type of expectation...

I am hoping to start therapy soon, I think I keep repeating certain patterns and I want to identify where they come from.

Back in the spring I had said that I would give this relationship until the end of the summer...and with out me doing anything it just fell apart on its own. Talk about the power of declarations.