best of 2009 blog challenge: the best place

Barista Superstar

I always like to end my year reflecting on the experiences I had. I am always surprised to see how different each year is, for some reason, I am finding myself doing a different thing for a living each year. I am not sure I dislike it so much but a part of me does yearn to be able to say "I have been...for 5 years" so far, it all points to a new job in 2010. I am starting it with an open mind and heart, really not sure where it will take me or if I will like where it will go. I will do my best to make it the best and cease every chance to grow and give back to the company.

I am also ending the year with a strange awareness of how quickly life passes by and how I am REALLY do getting older. This I am really not that happy about because I feel that whatever I make of my life now, is what will be. Is what I will be telling my grandchildren about and what will define my legacy; yes I do want some sort of legacy. I think as a young woman I always dreaded the normalcy of life yet I am finding myself living it and actually enjoying it. I don't think down this path I will be making any contribution to the world, I am not altering history, I am not becoming the best at anything. There is a part of me that somehow expected I would change the world so in 2010 I have to find my path. I have to find that bigger goal then just existence and prosperity to propel my world. I feel deeply that there is something for me to do and I need to find it soon. So that is my main goal for this coming year. This thing I will do out of love, passion and the greater good of all.

So back to the blog challenge and somewhat related is the best place I went to in 2009. During spring break I went to Philadelphia to visit some amazing friends and after stuffing our bellies with Philly Cheese Steaks (mine was veggie of course) we saw this little bakery/cafe with a lady sitting outside enjoying a cappuccino. Natalia started talking to her and she suggested we go in for the experience. Needless to say, this was amazing....the french barista made each cup of coffee with such joy, creativity and passion that we could not stop smiling for the rest of the day. Not only did we have the best hot chocolate and coffee EVER but we learned so much from this man doing his craft. It was amazing.

Voila!

best of 2009 blog challenge: restaurant moment + article

my best restaurant moment of 2009...It was hard to think of a specific one. This year I have really learned the joy of home cooked meals and inviting people to our home. But there are 2 that feel special.Here I am at the restaurant, posing as Simone is asking me to...

The first one was in Rome, after only having breakfast and having lots of pizza Simone and I decided to have a nice meal on a beautiful Roman street and have some gelatto for dessert. I had amazing gnocchi with blue cheese sauce, Simone had pasta bolognese. Our bellies were full and our hearts content.

Simone is happy after our appetizer

My second yummy memory is of all the days we went to the beach and had mozzarella, tomato and arugula frisa for lunch. What was amazing was the freshness of all the ingredients and the arugula was fresh picked from the grassy areas around the beach.

This is Simone walking to lunch at one of those paradisaical beaches

Then for a larger "taste" of reality, the best article of 2009 is the Open Letter Michael Moore wrote to Obama, asking him not to send more troops to Afghanistan. He puts into words what so many of us have in our hearts.

best blog challenge: my best trip in 2009

Gwen Bell started the The Best of 2009 Challenge, writing about the best trip you took in 2009 was the first prompt.

So my best trip of course was visiting Spain and Italy with Simone. There is a lot of story behind this, I always thought that after college I would travel the world. Before that all my attempts to get to Europe had been canceled repeatedly, a couple times with tickets in hand. Somehow after college I found myself being in love, I found getting used to being back in the US challenging and two and half years later I was married and expecting a baby. 3 years later getting a divorce....too much going on to go anywhere.

This summer, after the trip we had initially planned went bust, I jumped at the chance of Europe and planned the whole thing in about 10 days. It was amazing and beautiful and fun. It was also a celebration trip for Simone and I, of all we had gone through and the wonderful relationship we share. It was perfect and cannot wait to get back, I am actually hoping that at some point we get to live there.

what is calling me

Today I am simply copying something wisely written by the lovely Kelly Rae Roberts, because I couldn't have said it better myself and my soul is screaming it inside me.

dear universe,

thank you for the important questions and for the honest answers. thank you for the encouragement to stay true to what calls me, no matter how inconvenient it might be for my timeline, spreadsheets, or checkbook. thank you for the unending inspiration. for creative flow. for heartful exchanges, for truth seeking, and for the everyday opportunities to learn more about what is really truly calling me. i'm listening. i'm questioning. and i'm answering. thank you.

runaway

I have gone through so many things in the last couple of months. In fact, it is hard to believe that 2 months ago I was walking the streets of a small Mediterranean town and enjoying our last day in southern Italy. One month ago I moved out of the house I had lived in for the past 4 years. My first home since I separated. One month ago in a whirlwind of blessings and determination we moved in together to an apartment closer to the city and above never ending clouds of green.

We are happy, all three of us. We are loving this change in our lives. So today, I am taking the day to clean my new home and listening to music. Then a song by Los Pericos started playing. This song Jimmy declared was our song on our second date. We were driving to the Nissan Pavilion to a concert on his beloved mustang convertible "Jim". I didn't really pay attention to the song then. I have listened to a few times after but never until today did it feel so perfect. Listening to it made me smile today. It is so simple, yet it is so much our story....



Cuídame bien, que lo mío es serio,
quiero que estés a mi lado esta vez
Voy a fumar mientras te espero,
Voy a formar, un espacio mejor.

Runa, runa, runa runaway, away
Runa, runa, runa runaway, away

Voy a escribir con nubes tu nombre,
voy a soñar con tu cara hoy,
voy a pedir que nunca te vayas
quiero escuchar, más palabras de amor.
Runa, runa, runa runaway, away
Runa, runa, runa runaway, away

Cuídame bien, que siempre me pierdo
Quiero que estés, a mi lado esta vez
Voy a tomar tu mano en mi mano,
para formar un espacio mejor.

Runa, runa, runa runaway, away
Runa, runa, runa runaway, away

away, away away
away, away away

Cuídame, cuidame bien, que lo mío es serio.

stories from spain

I had meant to write a few days back but by the time we are getting home each day, I am exhausted. We have been in Spain for 8 days, all of which have amazing. Each day a whole new breathtaking adventure. We were in Madrid for 6 days and fell in love with the city so much that Simone and I declared that we would happily move there. We have been in Barcelona for 2, and although I had always dreamt of coming here and it's by all means a lovely city, we have not fallen in love....and to top it off, some hours ago on our way home, some one got into my purse and helped themselves to my camera and my cell. I had ALL the pictures from the trip there, all now lost...

So I am sad because we had some great times recorded there. Yesterday on our walk down Las Ramblas my Simo spent all her change to have pictures taken with all the performers on the street...Simone and I decided we were going to write it all down so we would remember and of course at least we have eachother to share the memories with....and my wallet was not taken, nor our passports stolen and we are ok, but it still feels so wrong when something like that happens. I just have to feel better tomorrow morning so we can continue with our trip, we still have a bit more than 2 weeks to go! oh, and I have to decide whether to get a new camera here or just continue to have all our memories in our hearts, just for us two to share.

making history

The responses of love and support  were overwhelming. Thank so much! As a mom all I can say is that having my daughter back home is like being able to breath deeply again. For a long time I felt that the only times I could trully relax were the times I knew Simone was with her dad, now I feel that I can only relax when I know she is at least within a 15 mile radius, if not standing right by my side.

She is actually not by my side at this time...the down side of an independant girl is that she has a strong social circle and is now at her best friend's for a sleep over.

In the past week I have been thinking a lot about our role as mothers of girls. In my life I have been overly condesending and submissive, a strong voice of authority and I feel like a 5 year old being yelled at. I have to struggle within me constantly to stand up for myself and let my voice be heard. This has been the root of many set backs in my life. I never want that for my daughter. I believe that we can't expect to raise submissive daughters at home and expect them to go out as adults and seize the world. We can't expect to have daughters who never attempt to bend rules or question them and then as adults make a change in the world. What they live as kids and the life skills they start learning as kids are the tools that will make them who they are, rule makers or rule takers.

As parents we are always walking the very thin line of freedom of expression for our kids and respect for authority. How to do this is a growing challenge as she gets older. How do I teach her that there are times when she gets a say in the situation and there are times "when Mother knows best" and all this while attempting to raise her well... 

So I have decided I want to raise a strong girl, a girl who will not be afraid to make herself be heard and a make a difference in some shape or form. A girl who knows what she wants and will be willing to do the work to get it. Her heart will of course have to be full of love, compassion, faith and God to guide her in the right direction, to set her goals in the right place... but I don't want raise "a good little girl"....because you know, good girls have never made history.

simone's happy heart

Simone and I are a team. We are inseparable partners in life and I enjoy every minute. I feel privileged to be so close to this little person with such an enormous soul. She is now in Miami visiting her daddy and she was supposed to come back home tomorrow. I was excited because I get the daily school routine and now I was ready to do some summer fun but yesterday I got a call from her dad asking for an extra week....

Of course I said yes! I heard her little voice of excitement telling me about the fun she is having and how she has so many adventures planned with daddy...so with a broken heart, I said yes. I wanted to cry because I have missed her so much these past ten days. I make the most of my time away from her and try to relax....but the mommy heart and mind is always on. I can only be thankful that she has such a marvelous dad, he has done his best to be a part of her life in the distance. He has done his best to make her feel loved and special in his life...and she is having a blast. I have been determined as a mother to share her with the world, I have raised her an independent little girl since she was a baby. Her dad and I always made sure she was strong and secure....we just didn't know we were preparing her for life. A life of numerous flights on her own, months without seeing daddy, weeks without mommy...holidays back and forth...things that could break a little soul. But my little girl is wise beyond her years, stronger than so many souls I have encountered in my lifetime. She is a beauty in every sense of the word but every time I let her go a little part of my heart chips away.

I was so ready to have her back... but how could I ever say no to my angel's happy heart...

change

I am very excited because a million changes are coming my way! Cycles are being completed giving space for new beginnings...things are being shuffled beneath my feet that in other circumstances might have driven me to panic but this time I am dancing along with the shuffle.

God I am open to all the good, all the surprises and adventures you are sending my way. I receive it all with open arms and a heart filled with joy!!!! I am grateful for it all and thank you dearly for teaching me along the way. Give me the strength and wisdom to seize opportunity in every challenge and always have faith that I am walking in this life with you holding my hand. My heart is ecstatic!

gratitude

In the last 5 years of my life I have learned to be strong. I have learned to use tools to connect me back to my faith, tools to pull me out of a negative mind set and fill me with energy and hope and gratitude.

There are challenges I am facing right now, a bit of uncertainty. Looking at all the blessing in my life I should have no reason to even doubt that what is to come is only but a bigger blessing in my life. These uncertain times, that fill me with anxiety and incessant longing for massive quantities of sugar are really only a way of God telling me to quiet down, take a few deep breaths and pay attention to the blessings and gifts that come to my life everyday. Here are some of the blessings I have been given in the last 24 hours:

1. Meeting a kindred spirit that within 20 minutes of meeting me, looking me in the eyes said: remember the divine in you, you know what is right for you and no one's opinion should stop you. Raise your daughter honoring the divine with in her...remind her she is special.

2. All the information she provided me with.

3. Simone's last day as a second grader. She is so great, her smiles make the world shine.

4. Simone's friends coming over for a play date and listening to them play and interact. They gave each other lessons on their languages: Spanish, Korean and Chinese.

5. Seeing a gorgeous cardinal outside my window.

6. Getting an offer of help from a great girlfriend, having a great conversation and seeing her new home.

7. Eating 2 weight watchers ice cream bars and staying within my point allowance.

8. Getting 2 messages from family members from Peru that I have always wanted to be in touch with and meet.

9. Being provided for abundantly.

10. Being disciplined and making strides in my LEED studies....no more postponing.

11. Feeling much better after being sick for a few days.

12. Going to bed with a smile on my face...

34

I really have no idea why this number is affecting me in any way. After all it's just a number...maybe it's because life is flashing before my eyes and I can't make time take a break. My mother moved to the U.S. in 1984 at the age of 36. At this time she had been married 12 years, had 4 children and was so much a woman. She was so independent, her decisions were her own and no one dare question. I, on the other hand feel like a kid. I always have family questioning my every move and decision and worse, is that I feel that I have to answer to them. 2009 so far has been very much about breaking that cycle. 34 is about bringing many plans and dreams into really...here is my bucket list:

1. TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL....every chance I get, everywhere and anywhere (leaving on 7/17  for an overseas adventure)
2. Find/create a job I love
3. Actively pursue UCHUVA or let it go for ever (did jewelry for a wedding...)
4. Be more generous and present to those around me
5. Have a constant prayer/meditation practice
6. Let go of 25lbs my body/mind is resisting to let go (6 lbs down...)
7. Run a 5k...gotta start somewhere, right? (done 7/4)
8. Go to Colombia and visit a place I've never been to before
9. Go to Chile
10. Complete Chalean Xtreme
11. Become a LEED AP (done 6/24)
12. Make a new I/Prosperity map
13. Visit my friend Leah
14. Run a 10k in the fall
15. Find a new place to live: requirements: LIGHT, lot's of  closet space, nice kitchen, hardwood floors, Bethesda area, 2Bd/2Bth, within budget
16. Visit Debi in September
17. Buy a new car before the fall
18. Run the Cherry Blossom half marathon in the spring
19. Begin studying a new language with Jimmy
20. Take a Chemistry and Biology class, prerequisites for grad school
21. Learn about Permaculture
22. Devote 2 hours a week to make art with Simone
23. Create a constant weekly running routine...and stick to it
24. Save more money than I spend on unnecessary purchases
25. Smile and laugh more from my heart
26. Get closer to a place in my life where I can have another baby
27. Continue building a stronger family unit with my daughter and partner
28. Seize opportunities wholeheartedly, with strength and faith
29. Read at least 1 book per month
30. Cut down on online idling 
31. Take more afternoon walks with Simone
32. Go see a broadway show
33. Go on a romatic weekend get away with Jimmy...
34. Celebrate my 35th birthday on the beach

this one is for you melissa!

This is where I am at....soft sand under my feet, easy days that slip by too quickly...a lot of peace around me...a time of little effort, a lot laughs, many friends, surprises and comforts. How this all came to be I am still unsure. I just know that deep inside, it was exactly the type of year I had been asking for in my heart. It has gone by rather quickly but it has been a wonderful time to be a mother and claim my personal space and territory. It has been a time of nurturing my daughter and my boyfriend, a time of being very much a woman and a leader of my own little world.

I have found that I don't grow all at once. Little parts of me bloom at different moments, and life presents me with experiences to make me grow in areas that I am lacking. This has been a perfect time to be and what I really needed for the next steps in my life. I have been unconsciously yearning for this time since I became a mom.

It's coming to an end. I can feel it. I am cramming to become a LEED AP in one week, I am preparing for the greatness to come...I just don't exactly see it right now, it's still blurry but boy, will it be wonderful! I will be taking a wonderful trip soon, huge new changes in my life....I just have to be patient, proactive but patient until it all comes clear in my view.

NOTE: so my dearest Melissa, my neighbor-mommy-buddy extraordinaire, I promise you I will update at least once a month to keep you updated on our lives. I will miss you and your family so much...and I promise that as soon as I have a job I will be saving for my ticket to Japan. I hope you packed up the air mattress. I love you girl!

giselle is learning to fly