silence

I have been really quiet lately....I really don't seem to find anything to write about. My blog at least is personal and has few readers but I am facing the same dilemma at work. I have been commissioned to write my first magazine article with the title "Affordable Green" and to finish a Hispanic Consumer Report; both with Friday deadlines. Can I just say that my procrastination has gone to its maximum level and I keep waisting time at my desk?

Scary...such a privilege to do both things, but my mind, knowing that these are challenging tasks, is not cooperating much. Oh well, I better get my act together in the next 5 minutes and make this a very productive afternoon.

the big 33!

Being so close to the end of the year I have decided to make a list of 33 things I will do next year. I am being inspired daily by people around at work, my daughter, my family and there are many things that are in my heart that I know would bring me a lot of joy and would help me grow and teach me more.

1. Start a compost. I don't have a yard, just a small front patio but I just read that you can even do it in your kitchen (which is also small). My county is giving out compost bins for free, so I will try them out first. A big plus is that this can be a project to do with Simone and my father, who is living at my house at the moment, will also be a big help.

2. I will walk/jog/yoga 3 times per week. In the last 3 years I have lost a some 20+ pounds and since Simone was born, close to 50. I was not gifted with thick firm skin and my years of vegetarianism have not helped either so I really need to do something about this. I am not having huge expectations other than enjoying myself and see the benefits in my body. Another big plus is at least a couple of evening walks with Simone.

3. I will stop eating dairy. I will not be a fanatic about this but I will not included in my daily diet. I have made great strides in this regard. I love dairy but I am not happy about the idea of dairy farming so I wish to limit this as much as possible. I also love soy milk and rice milk more each day.

4. I will get my LEED® AP accreditation.

5. I will start grad school, either environmental management or environmental policy with and emphasis on sustainable development.

6. I will volunteer for Habitat for Humanity.

7. I will be more disciplined about learning French. I will do it on my own in a set schedule or enroll in classes.

8. I will take a hotel vacation with Simone, preferably to Cozumel for some good snorkeling experience.

so it has taken me more than a month to finish...sadly I have not been really good at starting at many of these goals. Lovely Chantal will help me with #7 and I have started to listen to my French podcasts driving from work. I have worked out 2 times this year, that is not nearly as much as I wish to do it but it is more than what I did in the second half of '07. I have also been really good about cutting down on the dairy.....and so the list continues.

9. I will cut down dramatically on all refined carbs and sugars.....instead choosing to eat wholesome and healthy.

10. I will be powerful in words and actions. I will follow through at work and in my personal life, doing what I say I am going to do, when I say I am going to do it.

11. I will be gregarious and joyful. I have noticed in the past year that there are situations where I feel so shy that I am in panic inside. I may look normal outside but inside I want to run and hide...I breath myself through those moments. I also look at people who carelessly laugh and play and wish I could be there and do that. I think too much ALL THE TIME. I will be playful and fun.

12. I will go to 2 weddings and Europe this year. I want to go to 2 weddings in Colombia and I really want to visit some of the lovely friends I have in Europe and have not seen in ages...

13. I will give more love in my relationships. I will be more giving, I will be more thoughtful, I will give without thinking or expecting to receive.

14. I will be a mover and shaker at work at D&R and Uchuva.

THIS IS YOUR YEAR

Last February after watching The Secret, I sat down one snowy day to make my very own vision board. Inside a magazine I found in big bold letters THIS IS YOUR YEAR, I cut them out and stuck the phrase right in the middle of the board.

Now we are just 20 days from the end of the year and truth be told, THIS IS MY YEAR. It was filled with lessons of growth and a million blessings and even more love. Today I am better than a year ago, I cannot think of one area of my life that stayed the same, I grew up. The funny thing about the phrase is that although I feel blessed to have had this year, it also manifested very differently than what I would have thought would be a great year. In my head great feels soft and rich and comfortable....this year felt more light a cold fresh shower and it was the best. Just a lesson in how little we know.

full circle

I am sitting on a cloud. 9 years ago I graduated with a degree in architecture from a very prestigious school. I was broke, insecure, in love, lost, very confused and with every desire to spread my wings. I had started eating chicken (after 8 years of vegetarianism) as a sacrifice to God so in return my thesis project could get a passing grade, my partner in the project gave up smoking. She went back to smoking after we barely passed, I am still eating chicken. A few months after graduating I moved to LA with every desire to live in independence, travel the world and conquer it if possible. The dreams lasted for about three weeks because the pain of fear was so extreme, I moved to DC to be with my mom. I visited my boyfriend on the way there and a few months later he moved in with my mom and I. I now see how it all started wrong. Our dreams did not unite us but our fears.

I had many jobs that felt tedious. I was always to afraid to envision what I wanted and focused more on just making a living, in the process of course I felt as a complete under achiever and frustrated.

Now at 32 I am living what seems to be a complete circle. I writing this from my new office cubicle, my first job that has no attachment or consideration of my income, yet it is the highest paying job I have ever had. I chose it because it felt perfect; I am enamored with the company vision, with my quiet colleagues that type away all day and our collective dream of creating a more environmental friendly world. I love that reading green construction books and magazines are part of my job and that I am surrounded by people who dare to dream of a more greener possibility for all. Here, every single one of my past employment experiences and my education is valuable and appreciated; I even get to feel like an architect once again.

I accept my past mistakes and really only wish to have lived my life with more freedom. Part of the process of growing is having patience and knowing inside your heart that your wishes and dreams can come true regardless. They may come a bit different than you expected but at the perfect time when you truly can embrace them.

thank you....

It has been a quiet time in my life. A lot of time at home with my family and with Simone. I was getting bored and then I got a few projects coming about: I had begun a jewelry company some 4 years ago and whenever I was short on money I go back to my beads and sell some. Now I am relaunching it, partnering up with my sister-in-law Pilar....the big date in Friday and it has been renamed UCHUVA. So I have also been immersed in beads and knitting and creating and organizing what I already had. I'm detached from the outcome, enjoying the process, wanting things to sell because I think they are pretty but not expecting anything financial. We are yet to create an impacting mission of our accessories, that is all we need to change the world.

Last week I also got the job of my dreams. I was a little weary because my resume is crazy jumping from career to career and not much stability. Then comes along a company that is perfect for my potpourri experience, my degree in architecture and my wish to pursue a career in the environmental field. PERFECT in every sense of the word...when I got the call for the interview and went on the company site, I just cried. I felt home, I felt that God had brought me home.

I have only to pay attention to ONE THING: my body. I have been eating badly, not exercising enough. Some clothes aren't fitting and I have to pay attention and complete this perfect moment I am experiencing.

I am really happy, I am really thankful, I look forward to everyday. I see my life coming together beautifully. I am experiencing beauty!

so we ran...

Right after our 1 mile run.

So yesterday we had a great day! Simone signed up for a half mile run at school, she trained for a week and Jorge decided he would come and run the mile with her (he is a great dad!) His arrival was a whole ordeal which included his bags not arriving and him not being able to run with Simone. So I had to. I have always loved running despite of me being so lazy to be disciplined about it. After an almost sleepless night we got up and headed for the race. We took a few pictures and off we went. I am so proud she was able to do it, her training paid off so much! I was exhausted and Jorge cheered us on and met at at the last quarter mile and ran with us. Both of us holding Simone's hand, taking her to the finish - a bit of what life is like. She was really tired but sprinted to the end and the picture is her showing her medal. She is awesome.

The morning was beautiful because somehow we felt like a family. We are the two people that cherish Simone the most and we were spending this time with her, celebrating her. I didn't feel alone raising her. We have come to a point were we can share and talk kindly and be glad for each other's achievements. We were all happy. A great big part of me felt ok with things being the way they are and it felt right. We have a built this that we have now, we moved beyond guilt and pain to create a "family" for Simone. Truly life teaches us that blessings come is so many forms and colors, if we just have a little patience and faith.

Oh, I also realized that I REALLY WANT TO RUN A HALF MARATHON! So I declaring it, now I just have to start training...

happy soul....

In the midst of fear, pain and despair there has been so much love! And so many blessings....I don't have much to write today but I have really good news to confirm one week from now and I am so HAPPY!

Everything is coming together just perfectly....

With all this experience though, I have learned:

- to surrender
- to have patience
- increased faith
- be diligent
- be the truth
- to receive (what a hard one!)
- to ask
- to feel good all the way through
- to be grateful
- to see blessings, whichever form they manifest