simone's happy heart

Simone and I are a team. We are inseparable partners in life and I enjoy every minute. I feel privileged to be so close to this little person with such an enormous soul. She is now in Miami visiting her daddy and she was supposed to come back home tomorrow. I was excited because I get the daily school routine and now I was ready to do some summer fun but yesterday I got a call from her dad asking for an extra week....

Of course I said yes! I heard her little voice of excitement telling me about the fun she is having and how she has so many adventures planned with daddy...so with a broken heart, I said yes. I wanted to cry because I have missed her so much these past ten days. I make the most of my time away from her and try to relax....but the mommy heart and mind is always on. I can only be thankful that she has such a marvelous dad, he has done his best to be a part of her life in the distance. He has done his best to make her feel loved and special in his life...and she is having a blast. I have been determined as a mother to share her with the world, I have raised her an independent little girl since she was a baby. Her dad and I always made sure she was strong and secure....we just didn't know we were preparing her for life. A life of numerous flights on her own, months without seeing daddy, weeks without mommy...holidays back and forth...things that could break a little soul. But my little girl is wise beyond her years, stronger than so many souls I have encountered in my lifetime. She is a beauty in every sense of the word but every time I let her go a little part of my heart chips away.

I was so ready to have her back... but how could I ever say no to my angel's happy heart...

change

I am very excited because a million changes are coming my way! Cycles are being completed giving space for new beginnings...things are being shuffled beneath my feet that in other circumstances might have driven me to panic but this time I am dancing along with the shuffle.

God I am open to all the good, all the surprises and adventures you are sending my way. I receive it all with open arms and a heart filled with joy!!!! I am grateful for it all and thank you dearly for teaching me along the way. Give me the strength and wisdom to seize opportunity in every challenge and always have faith that I am walking in this life with you holding my hand. My heart is ecstatic!

gratitude

In the last 5 years of my life I have learned to be strong. I have learned to use tools to connect me back to my faith, tools to pull me out of a negative mind set and fill me with energy and hope and gratitude.

There are challenges I am facing right now, a bit of uncertainty. Looking at all the blessing in my life I should have no reason to even doubt that what is to come is only but a bigger blessing in my life. These uncertain times, that fill me with anxiety and incessant longing for massive quantities of sugar are really only a way of God telling me to quiet down, take a few deep breaths and pay attention to the blessings and gifts that come to my life everyday. Here are some of the blessings I have been given in the last 24 hours:

1. Meeting a kindred spirit that within 20 minutes of meeting me, looking me in the eyes said: remember the divine in you, you know what is right for you and no one's opinion should stop you. Raise your daughter honoring the divine with in her...remind her she is special.

2. All the information she provided me with.

3. Simone's last day as a second grader. She is so great, her smiles make the world shine.

4. Simone's friends coming over for a play date and listening to them play and interact. They gave each other lessons on their languages: Spanish, Korean and Chinese.

5. Seeing a gorgeous cardinal outside my window.

6. Getting an offer of help from a great girlfriend, having a great conversation and seeing her new home.

7. Eating 2 weight watchers ice cream bars and staying within my point allowance.

8. Getting 2 messages from family members from Peru that I have always wanted to be in touch with and meet.

9. Being provided for abundantly.

10. Being disciplined and making strides in my LEED studies....no more postponing.

11. Feeling much better after being sick for a few days.

12. Going to bed with a smile on my face...

34

I really have no idea why this number is affecting me in any way. After all it's just a number...maybe it's because life is flashing before my eyes and I can't make time take a break. My mother moved to the U.S. in 1984 at the age of 36. At this time she had been married 12 years, had 4 children and was so much a woman. She was so independent, her decisions were her own and no one dare question. I, on the other hand feel like a kid. I always have family questioning my every move and decision and worse, is that I feel that I have to answer to them. 2009 so far has been very much about breaking that cycle. 34 is about bringing many plans and dreams into really...here is my bucket list:

1. TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL....every chance I get, everywhere and anywhere (leaving on 7/17  for an overseas adventure)
2. Find/create a job I love
3. Actively pursue UCHUVA or let it go for ever (did jewelry for a wedding...)
4. Be more generous and present to those around me
5. Have a constant prayer/meditation practice
6. Let go of 25lbs my body/mind is resisting to let go (6 lbs down...)
7. Run a 5k...gotta start somewhere, right? (done 7/4)
8. Go to Colombia and visit a place I've never been to before
9. Go to Chile
10. Complete Chalean Xtreme
11. Become a LEED AP (done 6/24)
12. Make a new I/Prosperity map
13. Visit my friend Leah
14. Run a 10k in the fall
15. Find a new place to live: requirements: LIGHT, lot's of  closet space, nice kitchen, hardwood floors, Bethesda area, 2Bd/2Bth, within budget
16. Visit Debi in September
17. Buy a new car before the fall
18. Run the Cherry Blossom half marathon in the spring
19. Begin studying a new language with Jimmy
20. Take a Chemistry and Biology class, prerequisites for grad school
21. Learn about Permaculture
22. Devote 2 hours a week to make art with Simone
23. Create a constant weekly running routine...and stick to it
24. Save more money than I spend on unnecessary purchases
25. Smile and laugh more from my heart
26. Get closer to a place in my life where I can have another baby
27. Continue building a stronger family unit with my daughter and partner
28. Seize opportunities wholeheartedly, with strength and faith
29. Read at least 1 book per month
30. Cut down on online idling 
31. Take more afternoon walks with Simone
32. Go see a broadway show
33. Go on a romatic weekend get away with Jimmy...
34. Celebrate my 35th birthday on the beach

this one is for you melissa!

This is where I am at....soft sand under my feet, easy days that slip by too quickly...a lot of peace around me...a time of little effort, a lot laughs, many friends, surprises and comforts. How this all came to be I am still unsure. I just know that deep inside, it was exactly the type of year I had been asking for in my heart. It has gone by rather quickly but it has been a wonderful time to be a mother and claim my personal space and territory. It has been a time of nurturing my daughter and my boyfriend, a time of being very much a woman and a leader of my own little world.

I have found that I don't grow all at once. Little parts of me bloom at different moments, and life presents me with experiences to make me grow in areas that I am lacking. This has been a perfect time to be and what I really needed for the next steps in my life. I have been unconsciously yearning for this time since I became a mom.

It's coming to an end. I can feel it. I am cramming to become a LEED AP in one week, I am preparing for the greatness to come...I just don't exactly see it right now, it's still blurry but boy, will it be wonderful! I will be taking a wonderful trip soon, huge new changes in my life....I just have to be patient, proactive but patient until it all comes clear in my view.

NOTE: so my dearest Melissa, my neighbor-mommy-buddy extraordinaire, I promise you I will update at least once a month to keep you updated on our lives. I will miss you and your family so much...and I promise that as soon as I have a job I will be saving for my ticket to Japan. I hope you packed up the air mattress. I love you girl!