full circle

I am sitting on a cloud. 9 years ago I graduated with a degree in architecture from a very prestigious school. I was broke, insecure, in love, lost, very confused and with every desire to spread my wings. I had started eating chicken (after 8 years of vegetarianism) as a sacrifice to God so in return my thesis project could get a passing grade, my partner in the project gave up smoking. She went back to smoking after we barely passed, I am still eating chicken. A few months after graduating I moved to LA with every desire to live in independence, travel the world and conquer it if possible. The dreams lasted for about three weeks because the pain of fear was so extreme, I moved to DC to be with my mom. I visited my boyfriend on the way there and a few months later he moved in with my mom and I. I now see how it all started wrong. Our dreams did not unite us but our fears.

I had many jobs that felt tedious. I was always to afraid to envision what I wanted and focused more on just making a living, in the process of course I felt as a complete under achiever and frustrated.

Now at 32 I am living what seems to be a complete circle. I writing this from my new office cubicle, my first job that has no attachment or consideration of my income, yet it is the highest paying job I have ever had. I chose it because it felt perfect; I am enamored with the company vision, with my quiet colleagues that type away all day and our collective dream of creating a more environmental friendly world. I love that reading green construction books and magazines are part of my job and that I am surrounded by people who dare to dream of a more greener possibility for all. Here, every single one of my past employment experiences and my education is valuable and appreciated; I even get to feel like an architect once again.

I accept my past mistakes and really only wish to have lived my life with more freedom. Part of the process of growing is having patience and knowing inside your heart that your wishes and dreams can come true regardless. They may come a bit different than you expected but at the perfect time when you truly can embrace them.

thank you....

It has been a quiet time in my life. A lot of time at home with my family and with Simone. I was getting bored and then I got a few projects coming about: I had begun a jewelry company some 4 years ago and whenever I was short on money I go back to my beads and sell some. Now I am relaunching it, partnering up with my sister-in-law Pilar....the big date in Friday and it has been renamed UCHUVA. So I have also been immersed in beads and knitting and creating and organizing what I already had. I'm detached from the outcome, enjoying the process, wanting things to sell because I think they are pretty but not expecting anything financial. We are yet to create an impacting mission of our accessories, that is all we need to change the world.

Last week I also got the job of my dreams. I was a little weary because my resume is crazy jumping from career to career and not much stability. Then comes along a company that is perfect for my potpourri experience, my degree in architecture and my wish to pursue a career in the environmental field. PERFECT in every sense of the word...when I got the call for the interview and went on the company site, I just cried. I felt home, I felt that God had brought me home.

I have only to pay attention to ONE THING: my body. I have been eating badly, not exercising enough. Some clothes aren't fitting and I have to pay attention and complete this perfect moment I am experiencing.

I am really happy, I am really thankful, I look forward to everyday. I see my life coming together beautifully. I am experiencing beauty!

so we ran...

Right after our 1 mile run.

So yesterday we had a great day! Simone signed up for a half mile run at school, she trained for a week and Jorge decided he would come and run the mile with her (he is a great dad!) His arrival was a whole ordeal which included his bags not arriving and him not being able to run with Simone. So I had to. I have always loved running despite of me being so lazy to be disciplined about it. After an almost sleepless night we got up and headed for the race. We took a few pictures and off we went. I am so proud she was able to do it, her training paid off so much! I was exhausted and Jorge cheered us on and met at at the last quarter mile and ran with us. Both of us holding Simone's hand, taking her to the finish - a bit of what life is like. She was really tired but sprinted to the end and the picture is her showing her medal. She is awesome.

The morning was beautiful because somehow we felt like a family. We are the two people that cherish Simone the most and we were spending this time with her, celebrating her. I didn't feel alone raising her. We have come to a point were we can share and talk kindly and be glad for each other's achievements. We were all happy. A great big part of me felt ok with things being the way they are and it felt right. We have a built this that we have now, we moved beyond guilt and pain to create a "family" for Simone. Truly life teaches us that blessings come is so many forms and colors, if we just have a little patience and faith.

Oh, I also realized that I REALLY WANT TO RUN A HALF MARATHON! So I declaring it, now I just have to start training...

happy soul....

In the midst of fear, pain and despair there has been so much love! And so many blessings....I don't have much to write today but I have really good news to confirm one week from now and I am so HAPPY!

Everything is coming together just perfectly....

With all this experience though, I have learned:

- to surrender
- to have patience
- increased faith
- be diligent
- be the truth
- to receive (what a hard one!)
- to ask
- to feel good all the way through
- to be grateful
- to see blessings, whichever form they manifest

i choose....

I am raw. I have chosen to let go of everything and follow the path I am supposed to follow in this life...my divine purpose. I have had moments of panic and despair, moments of fear...yet I find that in the path I discover myself. I have had to let go of my fear of being vulnerable, my fear of not being liked and my fear of disapproval, my fear of not having good credit, my fear of having to be everything for everybody even if it meant being nothing for myself.

I am in the process and the hardest part is learning to surrender and accepting the truth despite it all and being ok with whatever the present moment manifests. Sometimes I have felt that my prayers are not being heard, that my affirmations and my visualizations are not working yet there are tiny moments of intense clarity, moments where beyond my fears I can see how everything makes sense. How my life is falling into place and in a bit it will all be alright because despite it all I am still learning that money is just an illusion and that to have more we have to let it go.

I have also gotten many surprising and wonderful gifts, all unexpected that have shown me that prosperity is vast and unpredictable. That our dreams can go beyond our bank accounts and our pay checks.

So I have come to this point because 5 months ago I chose freedom and 3 years ago I chose truth. And only now that I wrote these words I realize that every challenge has been part of this road I chose, that I can't get where I want to go without going through this. It is the scariest gift I have received, the biggest challenge I have embarked on....I still have to learn to cherish and enjoy the opportunities that come with these challenging times, I have even had to accept to have fun and enjoy myself.

I wake up everyday with options and today as everyday I choose love, I choose joy, I choose happiness, I choose children, I choose art, I choose nature, I choose vegan, I choose words, I choose dreams, I choose fairies, I choose fruit, I choose the sea, I choose life, I choose nature, I choose books, I choose vast spaces filled with light and soft breeze with in my soul. Today I choose to be happy.

the princess of the world

Simone playing dress-up

So I am talking to Simone's teacher yesterday and one of the things we discussed was how Simone had not gotten a good behavior ticket in class. She said she had not realized she had not gotten one but that she in fact always behaved and tried her best. I told her that I appreciated it but that I was also trying to get Simone to understand that you don't always get awards and all the attention everywhere. Ms. Liu, her teacher tells me that Simone is a really sweet girl and that everybody loves her. I proceed to tell that I know that, that ever since she was born everybody loves her but that she had to understand that it was alright if things weren't that way and that she just could not expect to be the princess of the world all the time. To this Ms Liu replied "Well you know, with Simone's personality, she could always be the princess of the world!"

The princess of my world!

mi lindisimo

He is a clown, a poet, a revolutionary, a dreamer, a "king", a patient and understanding soul...that loves, respects and gives unconditionally. We never question each other for giving too much, he understands Simone goes before him.

He is a sweet soul who came to my life to teach and heal...and he has done a great job!

We don't know what the future holds, yet we do know that when all is love, it never hurts...there is only beauty.

Te quiero mucho mi Lindisimo...