blessings

A few weeks ago I wrote some sad words about a moment in my life. There were all true, all full of determination and good intentions then life had other plans... after a business trip that allowed me time on my own and some soul searching more challenges came. My reactions are always the same and then today I received an answer: it had been nearly 3 weeks since I went to Unity and today I went and to my surprise we had a guest speaker. A wonderful coach/minister/musician that taught lessons of self love and was giving a session in the afternoon about relationships. An answer to my prayers!

Normally I never go to afternoon sessions because I have Simone but today I was absolutely available to be there. Just perfect.

It was wonderful, it was funny and it was enlightening. I was reminded that what we see in others is a mirror of ourselves. Even what we hate in others. I was reminded that the only true answer is love. I learned that partnerships are spiritual and that we should (ideally) be with people who want to grow and be willing to do the work. I learned so many other things I can't even bring into words. I spoke to L a bit ago and had so much love for him. I truly want him to be ok and I am willing to be there and not run like I've done in the past. What capacity I will be involved in his life, I don't know but I will be there, if only as a witness. I know I can't do any of the work for him and that him not doing it may just mean the real end to any romantic involvement. I know there is a lesson here for me and if I live it bravely and being present and allowing his true soul to shine through then I have done my job. My soul feels complete. I am not expecting anything from him and that gives me so much peace.

The other relationship in my life, well I learned that for one, your marriage will never work if you have not weaned yourself from your parents (DUHHH...one reason I am divorced now!) Second, that we are just not supposed to live with our parents, it's just not natural. So I will manage this situation with love as well. I was blessed with a whole strategy popping into my brain and I am HAPPY!

I had been upset thinking how all this chaos was going to take place in my life, now I feel like I am really up for the challenge. I can do this with love, presence and acceptance.

So for all those that were worried, thank you. Your words and love are a blessing. I sometimes write more than I should, mostly because it's a therapy for myself. In writing I find healing and answers and there are always challenges in life. The only thing you can control is how much you are willing to suffer over them.

special sunday

Simone was baptized but if you ask her she will say it was her bath-patism. I have no desire to correct her. It was a wonderful and surprising day. We were blessed to share it with some of the people closest to our hearts. Other we missed...

Since a picture is said to be worth a 1000 words (and I am short on time) - I hope these 4 count as a really long post.

Our lovely Maia - Simone's Godmother.

wondering

If he is missing me as much as I am missing him?

UCHUVA

So we are setting up our Etsy store for online ordering and making rounds to our local customers. We are loaded with gorgeous goodies that will take your breath (and your money) away. It's all for a good cause as a percentage of every purchase will be donated to Carolina's Hope, a foundation raising funds for my 14 year old cousin's fryomalgia and lyme disease treatment.

what are you doing?

I feel so boring when people ask me this. I haven’t traveled much in the last year; my last vacation was over a year ago. I work 5 days a week from 7:30 to 4:00. I go to the gym about 2 days a week and work out at home a couple of days more. I recently took up Body Pump and love it. I read to Simone not nearly enough since she started reading on her own. I take her to ballet/tap class on Mondays and gymnastics on Thursdays. I download podcast of inspirational speakers and listen to them on my way to work or I listen to NPR. I watch TLC or Style if I watch TV…the only shows I watch are Dancing with the Stars and Jon and Kate Plus 8. I go to church at least 2 Sundays a month. I work on UCHUVA one evening a week and one afternoon on the weekends. I see my boyfriend one day a week but talk to him on the phone all day long. I do something entertaining at least one evening a week with friends or boyfriend and one evening with Simone. I don’t meditate or pray enough…or read enough and yet I feel as if I am busy all the time, tired all the time, have nothing really interesting to say when people ask me this and yet……I am never bored or unhappy. I really enjoy my life as is. I do want to meditate more and have at least 15 minutes of quiet every day and I want to do more yoga, invest more time in my education and travel more. I want to take walks or runs in the afternoon with Simone.

I have recently discovered that there is fear in me when it comes to traveling. I have not been able to pinpoint it exactly but is there…something new to work on.

So there, that is my life and that is what I am doing!

By the way, did you notice that 90% of my life revolves around my daughter….I hadn’t!

words flow into my life when she comes to mind...

Simone is my very favorite subject...everything interesting in my life revolves around her, I am fascinated by seeing her grow up. I am marveled everyday by her strong personality. One recent instance come to mind.

Her dad came to visit her over spring break and we went to the National Building Museum for a Cherry Blossom Festival event. When we were done there, we decided to stop by the Verizon Center a couple of blocks away and maybe take her to the circus. I have many times made Simone aware of the treatment of the animals at the circus and how I don't want her to go. Since we were there, so much excitement was going on, we figured we might let her see it. We didn't tell her but just went inside to find out about the tickets. She kept asking why so many people were there, what was going on...finally we told her that it was the circus. She looks up and asks "does it have animals?" we tell her yes. She says "let's go, I don't want to see it."

We tell how proud we are of her making that choice, she walks quietly and looks up at me and says "why were you going to take me in there?" OK...here is mom that talks but does always follow through...

Can I just say that my daughter is awesome, that I have no idea where that strength and determination comes from...that she surprises me everyday and that I feel completely blessed to be her mom.

silence

I have been really quiet lately....I really don't seem to find anything to write about. My blog at least is personal and has few readers but I am facing the same dilemma at work. I have been commissioned to write my first magazine article with the title "Affordable Green" and to finish a Hispanic Consumer Report; both with Friday deadlines. Can I just say that my procrastination has gone to its maximum level and I keep waisting time at my desk?

Scary...such a privilege to do both things, but my mind, knowing that these are challenging tasks, is not cooperating much. Oh well, I better get my act together in the next 5 minutes and make this a very productive afternoon.