cloudy days

I am from the tropics, I was born in a city that is 85 degrees year round and now in DC the sun disappeared about a week ago. Then there are all these new issues in the real estate business and the fact that I sell real estate for a living and have a daughter to support, it is scary. At this time I am very much into The Secret and I am attending a Unity Church where visualizations, affirmations and meditations are a daily practice. Nevertheless a sunless summer and everybody you work with carrying a gloomy face, well I was feeling quite blue. All day. Then the most wonderful things happened all through the day that made me feel so blessed and loved and happy...I felt like God was telling me "See, everything is perfect and will be alright. I am taking care of you".

So the blessings of my day...well first my dad had a really bad virus in his computer and we were able to fix it so easily. We had tried to hook him up to the internet at my house and couldn't find the CD and we found it. In the afternoon Simone had her back to school day and we saw her new classroom and met her wonderful new teacher, Ms Liu. Simone was so excited because this year she has a math book and a social studies book and a journal. After visiting the school we went to buy her school supplies and we found everything and had a lovely time together. It was one of those special bonding parenting experiences. I had mentioned to Simone that my favorite teacher in elementary school had been Mr Liu and that I was so excited her teacher had the same name, when we got home I went to look for something and in the box I find a picture of my dear friend Debi, Mr Liu and me, I had not seen that picture in ages and now I could show it to Simone. In the evening I had a wonderful conversation with my ex-husband. The end of our marriage was not a pretty one but we have now built a very nice friendship and I always enjoy talking to him about Simone and how AMAZING she is. Anyway, finally I went down to meet Jimmy...I had planned a evening at home, cooking, watching a movie and just enjoying each others company yet he had something totally different in mind. He was so happy to see me and have me all to himself. He took me to a gorgeous Peruvian restaurant in Adams Morgan...walking in the city, holding hands, candle-lit dinner, a nice bottle of Chilean wine....yummy dinner, yummy dessert....yummy everything.

All during dinner I kept thinking how blessed I am, how loved I am. It was all perfect, every moment of that day was perfect and I had been blue, not living the now, not seeing the blessings. I was happy that I was able to really see before the day ended. I was happy to realize that although the day was gray my life was GLOWING.

Una declaracion de amor...

perceptions

i have always wondered about the story behind a face, the freedom behind the smile, the struggle before a greeting, the tears before the morning...

is what we see what truly is...will the grass always look greener on the other side?

just trying to make a sense of random thoughts...perhaps i simply need to fly.

A humbling experience

Very humbling really, so humbling in fact that it brought me to tears. Here I am worried about the most mundane things, designer glasses, designer purse, hybrid car, a bigger house, a luxurious vacation, more clothes, not making enough money, working too much, the $1 million client, bills, not enough education, wrinkles, botox, cellulite, plastic surgery, under achiever, not speaking enough languages, not traveling enough, I am a single mom and it is hard....and really, truly, it is all a waste of time. A waste of thought, a waste of energy, a waste of our minds and our souls a waste of Us. Of me.

My friend Alexandra's brother is an Investigative Producer/Journalist for Pirry a very well known Colombian journalist that has a show somewhat like 20/20 here, but uses street language and tells it like it is, crudely. He recently did a show about Cartagena. A Colombian jewel, an enchanting city that has thousands of tourist visit each year, but that beyond the colonial city, the beaches, luxurious hotels and the million dollar homes and condos lies another reality of poverty and despair. So here it is: Los Fantasmas de la Ciudad de Piedra.
It is a story so sad and unreal to most of us that it makes us really appreciate the beauty in our lives, it allows us to see that there is so much beyond the "needs" society imposes on us. That there are people out there that really struggle, that really have needs and pains and have no hope. No way out other then violence, prostitution, drugs, or death.

It also made me think that there must be a bigger purpose in our lives than self satisfaction...there is only so much joy that material things will bring. Maybe our lives' work must mean more than just a paycheck and a good retirement account. There is a lot to be done for so many people, so many women, so many children. It all made me want to go back home, try to help somehow, coach these women and empower them, shed some light in there life. Then again who am I to think that I could make a difference, that I could teach them something, after all, I probably have a world to learn from them.

So 10 years later...

So we shared a weekend of absolutely blessed moments...just being together.

The Gift

It has been almost 10 years since my brothers, my sister and I got together with my parents and we have never been together with our kids...

In 1999 I moved back to the US, my brothers and sister quickly followed. Since 1989 when we moved back to Colombia my father had never returned, he was allergic to the country somehow and avoided all our efforts to get him up here. Then since miracles do happen, all of a sudden a few months back he decided it was time to return, to be part of his kids' daily adult lives and enjoy his growing grandkids. He arrived last Friday to Miami, tomorrow he's arriving in DC, along with Carlos and Sophie. We have a busy weekend ahead of us, Kokelita is inviting us for dinner at her place tomorrow night, Saturday noon is Simone's birthday party, Saturday night a barbecue at Ivan's......72 hours of none stop togetherness!!! Monday morning Carlos and Sophie are heading back to Miami since Sophie is flying to Bogota Tuesday. It will be such a joy to be together and share, last time, only Maria Jose was around, and the rest of us were still single. We were really just kids.

This is a lesson, of the gift of each moment that is presented to us. Had we known last time we were all together that it would be almost 10 years before we got to spend such a blessed moment, maybe, just maybe we would have lived it differently...maybe appreciated much more the Gift we were living. And that is a lesson in so many moments in our lives, the last kiss, the last conversation, the last hug...

The day I finally left my ex-husband, we had a really good morning. We talked, had a yummy lunch and hugged to and from the car...then a whole lot happened I left and it was over, forever. And I always wondered if I had known that those moments were our very last would we have lived them differently? Will we ever sit and chat and share a meal like friends...do we ever get back moments we took for granted? I don't know...I do know that this weekend I will savor each second and take lots of pictures and remember old road trips and old jokes and just be happy to share with my family.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

So tomorrow you will be turning 6! Wow, that is a big number and what a journey it has been... Lately we have been fighting a lot, maybe because we are together everyday or because you are more your own person now and then again just a kid. Your dad & I tend to forget sometimes because you are wise beyond your years. You shine wherever you go, you make everyone around you fall in love. You are adored by your family. You are so very sweet and loving. You are my little companion in life, walking hand in hand everyday.

You are now sleeping late, swimming a whole lot, in love with the Disney Channel, changing schools for the fall, reading a little bit on your own, about to lose your first 2 teeth and very afraid of losing your teeth, you have traveled on your own many times already and make friends with the whole plane, you are fascinated with everything Asian and want to celebrate your next birthday in China, you can say Hello in 7 languages, you love to dance, you love makeup, you love to wash your hair, you want your own laptop, you still suck your thumb and use a satin blankie to sleep, you talk and talk and talk, you are very confident and can start a conversation with just about anyone, you are brave, you love movies, you love Colombia, feel Colombian and would love to live there, you love being my baby and having me take care of you, you love to cry for just about any reason, you are friends with all our neighbors, you love to dance, you love to draw and paint and do crafts, you are very fluent in English and Spanish, you love clothes, shopping and purses, you want to travel the world, you are simply magnificent.

Tonight is like 6 years ago, a sleepless night. I was 195lbs and nights were endless...you were quite comfortable inside my tummy and had no desire to come out. We were told that if nothing happened the birth would be induced Friday morning (Yehh, this is the first year your birthday falls on the day you were born). So we were just waiting, so excited to know you would be coming home soon. The day of your birth, we were scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 6 am. Daddy was working at a bar and came home at about 4:30 am with some 30 balloons, of every color of the rainbow, for me...for Us. It was so sweet and surprising... Your birth was rather quick, you came out squinting your eyes just looking at me. I was crying as you were looking at me like "hi Mom". You were so tiny that when I picked you up you would not reach my belly button and I always wondered for how long I would be able to carry you. I am proud to say I still can, even with one arm and with you weighing a bit over 50lbs. Sad to say though I am getting close to my limit, you are densely built... but then again moms get this super natural strength that sustain us through the greatest of challenges or help us pick our child as if they were still babies.

Many people say you are the way you are because of the way I have raised you...maybe so but I truly think I can't take all the credit. A lot of it is you, you are an old soul in a little girl's body. I believe we pick our parents to guide us on the journey of our lives. Somehow you looked down and picked me and for this I really just have to say Thank You. You have brighten my life more then I could have imagined, you have allowed me to overcome many fears, you teach me so much everyday with your wisdom. You are my biggest blessing and raising you is my masterpiece.

Happy Birthday mi Nena Hermosa. I love you.