Simply Giselle

fragilidad

2011-12-22T12:43:00.000-05:00

En esta epoca de fiestas estoy siendo recordada de la fragilidad de la vida. La experiencia con mi tobillo me ha hecho apreciar toda la libertad que tengo para hacer ejercicio, cuidar de mi familia, moverme por la vida. Y como en un momento todo eso puede cambiar.

Despues a un pariente le encontraron un tumor en el cerebro, con el diagnostico de una operacion urgente y sin garantizar resultados todo cambio. Ser testiga de esa experiencia me hizo pensar mas en la fragilidad de las cosas que tantas veces no valoramos.

Y hace unos dias, el hermano de una amiga del alma se suicido. Dejo atras un hijito de 2 anos y una esposa. Y el, que era un maestro de la guitarra, dejo a muchos con deseos de seguir escuchando su musica y extranandolo.

Recordatorios de todas partes que tengo que apreciar lo que tengo, la libertad, la familia, los momentos, el presente. Entender que cada instante es un regalo y que en cualquier momento puede cambiar. Escribi en mi estatus de Facebook Thinking about the fragility of life... Un amigo de los anos de la universidad entonces me regalo esta cancion:

Yo hoy se las regalo a los que me lean.

Ah...y Felices Fiestas! Que en estos dias de celebracion esten rodeados de amor.

sillas

2011-12-20T12:26:00.002-05:00

Mi semana de incapacidad paso mas rapido de lo imaginaba y gran parte del tiempo no me senti muy bien. De todas maneras logre hacer algunos proyectos. Entre ellos forrar las sillas de comedor que estaban en terrible estado. Fue un trabajo en familia en realidad. Hice mi primera salida el sabado con mi mama a comprar la tela (nota de agradecimiento a mi mama por su eterna paciencia conmigo) y el domingo mis papas vinieron a ayudarme. Unas horas despues mi hermana y mi cunado llegaron a almorzar con nosotros pero terminaron de cabeza en el proyecto. Yo mientras tanto literalmente saltaba en una pata.

Aqui va un antes y un despues.

Los colores de la nueva tela son bastante fuertes pero ya se que con menos de $20 puedo comprar tela diferente si me aburro de esta y con 4 horas de trabajo quedan como nuevas. Por lo pronto, me encanta como se ven!

bright life home

2011-12-08T10:02:00.001-05:00

Este el principio de una historia que muchos esperamos que sea larga y con muchas victorias. Creo que para todos los involucrados esta es de cierta manera, una historia personal. Bright Life Home nacio del deseo de nuestra amiga Carolina y su trabajo con organizaciones pro-vida, de brindarle un hogar a las mujeres embarazadas que no quieren abortar pero no tienen otras alternativas. Su punto de vista al respecto es blanco y negro y se lo respeto porque se que ella misma adoptaria todos los ninos no deseados si su marido la dejara. El mio era gris. Siempre he pensado que la mujer debe escoger, que hay situaciones supremamente dificiles en las cuales nadie externo debe tener derecho a opinar o imponer decisiones. Pero siempre he sabido que yo nunca abortaria, que esa no es una opcion para mi.

Hace unos anos, un "amiga" quedo embarazada y me lo confio y me pidio que la llevara. La lleve. Como favor a ella, porque senti que la debi apoyar en esos momentos. Desafortunadamente despues cai en cuenta que habia comprometido mis principios por nada, y simplemente habia sido una alcahueta. Que asi como para mi habia sido una decision tan dificil espiritualmente, ella el mismo dia que se lo hizo, salio de date con su nuevo amante, como si esa manana no se hubiera hecho mas que un manicure. Seguramente para ella este recuerdo ya ni existe, para mi no hay dia que no me pase por la cabeza.

J y yo llevamos mas de un ano tratando de tener un bebe. Asi que el gris ya no es tan gris. Esta experiencia que estamos viviendo me ha hecho apreciar lo valioso que es cada vida y que a pesar de lo dificil de las circunstancias cada bebe que es engendrado no es una coincidencia o casualidad o error. Que la llegada de un bebe es una oportunidad de vida para ese ser y una oportunidad de amor incondicional para sus padres. Cada cual toma la decision final y nadie puede impornese ante esto, pero ofreciendole a la comunidad y a madres necesitadas un lugar lleno de amor, apoyo y oportunidades es la mejor manera de rendirle un tributo a la vida.

Asi que la historia de Bright Life Home comienza y con ella muchos suenos. Todos somos voluntarios, todos poniendo un granito de arena y todos aprendiendo en el camino. Esperamos que el sueno crezca pero se que para todos, el tan solo transformar una vida nos llenaria el alma. Les seguire contando de este proyecto y por el momento se los presento.

P.D. Les encanta el logo? Lo diseno nuestro amigo super talentoso Alonso!

ankle fun

2011-12-07T09:22:00.001-05:00

Y porque la vida siempre nos da sorpresas, lo que comenzo como una divertida carrera de de 5K con Simone "culmina" este Viernes con una operacion en el tobillo para limpiar la articulacion despues de 2 fracturas y cambia todos nuestros planes para estas fiestas. Llevabamos un ano planeando un viaje a Chile que ahora se tendra que posponer. Mi corazon se partio en mil pedacitos por esto y porque a veces se nos juntan muchisimas cosas y simplemente nos toca dejarnos llorar un rato.

En todo caso decidi que esta Navidad iba a ser muy linda, que ibamos a celebrar e iba a llenar mis dias haciendo cositas (si, me viene una semana en cama).

El Lunes comenzamos haciendo un Gingerbread House. Verdad que nos quedo bonita?

Tambien pensamos hacer unos jaboncitos.
Ya tengo todo para estos portavasos.
Tengo cajas de pepitas y otras cositas para hacer unos cuantos de estos.
Y este tutorial de hoy me inspiro mucho.
Quiero forrar las sillas del comedor y hacer cojines. Estoy pensando en comprar alguna de estas telas.

Como dice el dicho "cuando la vida te da limones, haz limonada" en nuestra casa se haran manualidades!

Y que espiritu de Navidad tienen este ano? Viajes, estar con familia y amigos?

black weekend

2011-11-27T13:38:00.001-05:00

Aqui donde yo vivo la fiebre del consumismo se siente en todo su apogeo en los ultimos dias. Confieso que mas de una vez he pasado la noche en vela haciendo fila afuera de alguna tienda para comprar desaforadamente. En realidad el trasnocho nunca ha valido la pena porque a estas horas ni recuerdo que compre y que tanto lo necesitaba. Me encantan las cosas bonitas pero ultimamente no soporto entrar a tiendas llenas de gente y el proceso del shopping me parece aburridisimo. Aun no compro nada para esta Navidad y tengo el enorme deseo de comprar muchas cosas en Etsy y hacer otras (inspirada por Pinterest) y muy pocas en tiendas normales.

Este fin de semana festivo en vez de llenarlo de compras lo llenamos de comida y amor. Jueves, Sabado y Domingo de cenas y almuerzos con amigos y familia. Mucho vino, cerveza, parrilladas, pastel de choclo, pavo, ensaladas, canciones acompanadas de guitarra, chistes, momentos inolvidables todos. Lo unico que hizo falta (MUCHISIMA FALTA) fue mi Simone que esta en Miami para estas fiestas con la familia de su papa y conociendo a Sarah, su hermanita que hoy esta cumpliendo su primer mes de vida.

Viajo hace una semana y hace dias no me llama, lo ultimo que me supe de ella fue el Jueves durante la cena de Thanksgiving, me mando un mensaje de texto "Mami por favor guardame un pedazo de pie de calabaza de la abuela" Como siempre, ella nunca olvida las cosas importantes de la vida.

anhelado meme

2011-11-22T22:06:00.001-05:00

Que alegria senti al ver la notica que me dejo Mariana en mi blog acerca de pasarme el meme. El intercambio a penas va a mitad de camino pero conocer/leer a tantas bloggeras me ha parecido una experiencia bastante bonita. No se si es solo mi impresion pero el 90% son de Argentina? Me encanta, mi vida cada dia se llena mas de personas del sur con un marido Chileno y muchas amigas de Argentina.

Este meme no es tan facil como lo imagine pero bueno, aqui va mi top 5 de mis sentidos:

el olfato

la frente de Simone...todavia me huele a bebe
entrar a mi casa limpia al llegar del trabajo
pinos en navidad
el mar
una chimena en una noche de invierno

el gusto

gelato en una tarde de verano en Roma
te Chai en el invierno
tomates amarillos frescos con aceite de oliva y albahca
pan recién horneado con mantequilla
las papitas fritas que prepara mi marido

la vista

un atardecer desde mi terraza
primavera en Washington con los cerezos florecidos para estar rodeada de un mundo color rosa
un paisaje con nieve fresca
como mi papa mira a mi mama después de mas de 40 anos juntos
mi marido bailando

el tacto

arena bajo los pies
mi pelo cuando lo aliso
bebes, cualquier bebe
un abrazo de mi marido
simone

el oído

las carcajadas de Simone
escuchar a Simone tocar guitarra y cantar
los relatos de escuela de Simone
tocata de guitarra al lado de una fogata
llamada por telefono con alguna amiga desde la distancia

Y bueno mi queridisima Ceci te paso entonces la posta para que no se corte y compartas que conmueve tus 5 sentidos, que los despierta, que los embriaga... yo entonces seguire con toda la produccion de Thanksgiving para manana en mi casa con mi padres, marido y amigos Argentinos.

intercambio

2011-11-17T13:59:00.001-05:00

Una vieja amiga me invito a un intercambio de bloggeras. Mamidelux y Paula lo habian hecho hace unos anos y decidieron que la experiencia habia que repetirla. Lo mas lindo de esto es poder conocer a mujeres en otras partes del mundo y que tambien son mamas. Crear el paquete de cositas para mi match y recibir el paquete que ella envie tambien es emocionante.

Cecilia es mi companera de intercambio. He recorrido su blog y su facebook, es mama de una preciosa nina y profesora. Me encanta las personas con vocacion de docentes porque ahora que soy mama, aprecio mas la influencia que tienen sobre nuestros ninos y como sus acciones tienen un impacto tan fuertes en sus vidas. Todavia estoy explorando que le voy a mandar en el paquetico y Simone inmediatamente decidio que ella tambien quiere incluir algo.

Por ahi lei que despues de un fallido intento de Marge, Paula ahora comienza de nuevo un MEME con la idea que le llegue a todas las chicas. Espero que nos llegue pronto a Cecilia o a mi!

run like a girl!

2011-11-17T11:40:00.001-05:00

Este blog deberia tener otro nombre. Siempre pense que escribiria acerca de mis "magnificas aventuras" de vida y en realidad siempre tengo el mismo tema: Simone. Alguna vez que tome yage, yo lloraba porque sentia que no habia hecho nada en mi vida y yo mil veces recibi este mensaje "Pero mirala, Simone es tu obra maestra" No se en realidad, pienso que los hijos nacen como son. Con ella yo simplemente he tratado de amarla incondicionalmente, nunca juzgarla, hablarle con completa sinceridad y apoyarla en todos sus suenos.

Todo este cuento para llegar a la carrera que corrimos el domingo pasado. Los 5k eran la culminacion de un entrenamiento de 10 semanas del programa "Girls on the Run". Este programa busca educar a las ninas acerca de temas de salud, nutricion y autoestima. Les hablan acerca del poder de pensamiento, crear metas, contribuir a la sociedad, dar amor con las palabras y acciones. En fin, temas muy importantes para nuestras ninas que entran a la edad critica de la pubertad. En la carrera participaron alrededor de 2000 ninas y habian familias completas apoyandolas en el camino. Yo que ultimamente lloro con cualquier cosa, tenia ganas de llorar desde que comenzamos. Nos rodeaban pancartas que decian "Run like a girl!" "I think I can, I know I can", etc. Su amiga Nandi comenzo a gritar "I feel ALIVE!"

Simone y yo corrimos cogidas de la mano. Fui a su ritmo y aunque su estado fisico a mejorado muchisimo en los ultimos meses, ella tuvo que luchar con todas sus fuerzas para terminar a pesar del calambre que le dio. Yo le iba hablado, diciendole lo orgullosa que me sentia y mas de la mitad de la carrera ibamos las dos diciendo en vos alta "I think I can, I know I can".

Fue hermoso cuando vio el final y corrio mas rapido que nunca, feliz y dichosa por su logro. "Mami I did it!" me dijo. Y si una vez mas a mi me dieron ganas de llorar.

fairies

2011-11-07T13:29:00.000-05:00

Simone - How do I keep them warm if they come to the house?
Me - You could make a small rice/oatmeal pillow, microwave it and it'll stay warm for a while.

Friday afternoon I was surprised by her latest creation. Needless to say, we adore our little girl and her imagination.

Main entrance and some honey to entice fairy visitors

LED lighting at the entrance

Inside view of the house.
Puma sock = small pillow with rice/oatmeal to stay warm

View of the other side of the room and bed.
Check out the awesome window with decal decorations.

These fairies even have a mural with butterflies.

path

2011-10-25T16:54:00.000-04:00

So as I sit on my new desk, read new files, meet my new staff, walk my new building, learn a new neighborhood, take on the new challenge...I'm once again reminded about the concept of "new" in my existence. Just when I think this is IT, the universe says "don't get too comfortable!"

I'm used to it, used to each year being so different, each season bringing a new routine, changes in my relationships, new jobs, new positions. I've gotten used to the constant movement. All this to say, that only now do I feel grateful for this ability to adapt and not take a moment or space too much for granted. Yes, many tears have been shed at learning this lesson, I still don't completely understand the purpose of so much movement and change,but now I accept the newness of it all and know in my heart that there is a bigger purpose I'm being prepared for. I suppose I'll just have to wait to find out.

In the meantime I'm just going make myself at home, wherever it is and for however long this lasts. Family picture are on display, Simone's art work on walls and desk. Yes, I'm ready!

cuando haya problemas

2011-10-13T15:48:00.001-04:00

Comparto el mejor regalo de cumpleanos que he recibido.

Cuando haya problemas, no te rindas, hija.

Habrá siempre tiempo

de abrazar la vida y empezar de nuevo.

Habrá siempre tiempo

de aceptar tu sombra, liberar el lastre y retomar el vuelo.
Y jamás te rindas, que la vida es eso:

continuar el viaje, perseguir tus sueños,

abrir las esclusas, destrabar el tiempo,

correr los escombros, ¡conquistar el cielo!

Por favor, no cedas.

Aunque el frío te queme.

Aunque muerda el miedo.

Aunque el sol se ponga y se acalle el viento,

si hay fuego en tu alma y hay vida en tu seno,

mantén la esperanzan ¡no apagues tu fuego!
Porque tienes vida y también deseos,

porque lo has querido, porque estás despierto,

porque Dios existe y el amor es cierto,

porque no hay herida que no cure el tiempo,

hay que abrir las puertas, quitar los cerrojos, y bajar el puente, y cruzar el foso,

y olvidar murallas que te protegieron.

¡Continuar la vida y aceptar el reto!
Recobrar la risa y ensayar un canto, y bajar la guardia y extender las manos,

desplegar las alas e intentar de nuevo,

compartir los dones, remontar los cielos.

Y no cedas, hija.

Por favor, no cedas,
Porque es cada día un nuevo comienzo,

Porque ésta es la hora y el mejor momento,

Porque tienes alas y puedes hacerlo,

Porque no estás sola… y porque te quiero.

Papa

Junio 7, 2011

put on your cape

2011-09-27T12:31:00.001-04:00

Put on Your Cape, It's Time to Save the World from Jenny Shih on Vimeo.

creativity

2011-09-16T11:45:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago before school started Simone called me at work to complain that she was bored. I simply responded "Honey, you do know that only boring people get bored." She was quiet then said "Oh, ok mami, bye."

I must confess I was surprised by her lack of words at my statement and was happy by what I saw when I got home. She has a ton of things to make crafts with and her creativity has sparked. This statement has resulted in some happy outcomes.

Such as:
A Rockin' Water Bottle I take to the gym everyday

Or the makings of an American Girl Doll movie (Simone as Creative Director and Talent Voice; Jimmy as Cinematographer). Will share more on this when it's complete. For those wondering, this scene is at the girls hotel room.

fifth grade

2011-09-09T15:26:00.000-04:00

So it’s been 2 weeks since my Simone started 5^th grade – meaning last first day of elementary school, impending teenage-hood, middle school and high school right around the corner; boyfriends, puberty, hormones…need I say more?. Let me just say that it’s taken me this long to get over the SHOCK of this milestone. I feel the same as when I was pregnant, as in "Seriously?? mom’s go through this all the time and I didn’t know? Kids grow up? They become independent? They can make their bed and get to the bus stop on their own? In the evenings they chill out on their beds listening to music while they write on their journals? They don’t wear kids’ sizes forever?"

I’m feeling a sense of relief mixed with a WHOLE LOT of mourning of sorts…not because I’m not in love and completely proud of this amazing person my daughter is growing into but more because I don’t know where time went between this first day of school:

And this very last one…

ten years

2011-07-20T17:36:00.001-04:00

My Dearest Simone,

I'm not really sure what it is about this birthday that fills me with nostalgia...maybe it's going into the 2 digits that brings you closer to teenage years or it's the fact that with you going to college in 8 years maybe I've already lived with you more than half of our time together. Maybe it's because my baby is growing up and although our story feels long and adventurous, it also feels like it was 2 minutes ago that I gave birth to you.

Today I want to ask you to never forget how amazing are! During the teenage years that fill us with self doubt, remember that you are wonderfully perfectly imperfect which makes you unique and interesting. Remember that perfection is quite boring and impossible, so worrying about it, is a waste of time. Remember that we are all different and we should accept and rejoice in our differences. Accept others as they are and respect them. Let LOVE always be the guiding light for your actions and decisions. Love for yourself, love for life, love for others, love for nature, love for God.

So on this day; the 10th anniversary of the Magical Day that you came to this Earth to begin your lesson of life; I want to wish upon you, a life full of blessings, a life filled with joy, laughter, adventures, love, prosperity, sunshine, strength and bravery. Bravery to live life just as you want, pursue your dreams, fight for your ideals, love wholeheartedly and spread your wings for ever more.

Thank you for choosing me as your mom...you have been the sweetest and greatest gift in my life.

Te amo,

Mama

Lecciones de una manana de Mayo - un ano despues...

2011-05-27T08:35:00.005-04:00

1. Ya tengo toda la practica del mundo con las faldas angostas. Hasta puedo caminar/trotar a la estacion de metro sin problema.

2. Te verde: me tomo 3-4 tazas al dia pero la tacita de cafe mananera no falla.

3. Esta tarde vamos a nuestro viaje anual a los Outerbanks donde todo te verde y agua se cambia por melon con vino.

4. Aquel que el melon con vino me hace recordar, ya llego de nuevo a casa.

5. Y me ha ensenado el amor es muy bonito despues de 6 anos...

6. Desafortunadamente la confusion con las tarjetas de metro y oficina solo se soluciona con esos collares que utilizan las viejitas que trabajan en los museos o los empleados federales- o simplemente es un sintoma de mi ADD no diagnosticado.

7. La mejor manera de conseguir un mejor trabajo es ir a la entrevista con tan solo la espectativa de tener una conversacion interesante y no importarte el resultado.

8. Estoy feliz con mi nuevo trabajo.

9. Y con nuestro proximo viaje a Bogota

10. Y con el viaje a la playa en unas cuantas horas....

lecciones de una manana de mayo

2010-05-26T09:46:00.002-04:00

1. Es necesario caminar y moverse bastante en las faldas angostas antes de comprarlas.
2. Estar presente en el momento puede prevenir el tratar de salir de la estacion del metro con la tarjeta de acceso de la oficina.
3. La proxima vez no debo mostrarles la tarjeta a las personas que estan detras mio y decirles que la estacion de acceso no esta funcionando.
4. El te verde me despierta mas que una taza de café.
5. Pero el melon con vino me hace mas feliz.
6. Tengo que comprar melon y vino para el fin de semana.
7. El melon con vino me hace extranar mas a alguien….

my words 5 years ago...

2010-03-05T11:19:00.000-05:00

This past year I have lived out of a suitcase, only with my art supplies, my beads to make jewelry, my clothes, 3 books and my AMAZING 3 year old daughter. This all really fits in 2 suitcases...and it has made me realize how simple our lives can really be.

There is so much weight to carry around with all these "things" that we are supposed to need. Less is more as they say...more space to breath, more to appreciate in life, more space to live, so much more FREEDOM!

It's a good thing to remind myself once in a while.

reality

2010-03-03T13:56:00.000-05:00

Every stage of motherhood is an opportunity to love unconditionally, learn acceptance, be more conscious, become a better human being, all while trying to guide this little person in this path called life.

If you enter it whole heartedly and see it as the amazing blessing and opportunity that it is, then all the changing and surprising challenges that come with it become less daunting. As little kids it’s easy for us to control our children’s environments but as they grow and they are more exposed, and they are becoming “tweens”….well then, you enter the whole universe of peer pressure, self doubt, being more, becoming less. You deal with tears, questions, many more questions that you have answers to, some you don’t – some you are still struggling with yourself. Many others that you understand your child doesn’t need the answer to, just support and guidance so she finds her own way.

It’s so hard to resist the temptation and not go out and try to fix her world, yet I know that these small challenges, self doubts and tears are a way of life preparing her for bigger challenges to come. I know that she has to learn resolve her own life and accept things in her life she cannot change. Childhood is her chance to get a practice run.

So a few nights ago she was a see of tears because she has not lost all her teeth and her friends and cousins’ teeth are bigger then hers. I am looking at my beautiful child, trying to be compassionate, to acknowledge her pain and her experience…yet I am thinking of all the many blessings that she has and that I am probably the “guilty” one for giving her those teeth genes. I ask her questions about her feelings, ask her to interpret her feelings and then I proceeded to go online with her and show her the reality of children in Haiti. Kids her age that lost both parents during the earthquake, kids that were medically treated a month after the earthquake and had maggot-filled wounds; children that lost movement of their hands, children that have very little at all…

We both sat on my bedroom floor in tears because it is impossible not to see the lives these children have and not appreciate our own realities, our own abundance and blessings. I told her that I loved her and that insecurity is something she will always have to deal with but that she will learn ways to deal with them and keep herself connected to reality. Someone is always going to have more, “be” more, be better or not…but life is not a competition, life is about embracing ourselves and sharing our own individualities and gifts with the world. We all have our stories and challenges to face, things that are out of our control, and we must do our very best with what we have and with who we are.

Then I got the sweetest thank you hug from my daughter and we cried a little bit more together…

best of 2009 blog challenge: the best place

2009-12-15T14:50:00.008-05:00

Barista Superstar

I always like to end my year reflecting on the experiences I had. I am always surprised to see how different each year is, for some reason, I am finding myself doing a different thing for a living each year. I am not sure I dislike it so much but a part of me does yearn to be able to say "I have been...for 5 years" so far, it all points to a new job in 2010. I am starting it with an open mind and heart, really not sure where it will take me or if I will like where it will go. I will do my best to make it the best and cease every chance to grow and give back to the company.

I am also ending the year with a strange awareness of how quickly life passes by and how I am REALLY do getting older. This I am really not that happy about because I feel that whatever I make of my life now, is what will be. Is what I will be telling my grandchildren about and what will define my legacy; yes I do want some sort of legacy. I think as a young woman I always dreaded the normalcy of life yet I am finding myself living it and actually enjoying it. I don't think down this path I will be making any contribution to the world, I am not altering history, I am not becoming the best at anything. There is a part of me that somehow expected I would change the world so in 2010 I have to find my path. I have to find that bigger goal then just existence and prosperity to propel my world. I feel deeply that there is something for me to do and I need to find it soon. So that is my main goal for this coming year. This thing I will do out of love, passion and the greater good of all.

So back to the blog challenge and somewhat related is the best place I went to in 2009. During spring break I went to Philadelphia to visit some amazing friends and after stuffing our bellies with Philly Cheese Steaks (mine was veggie of course) we saw this little bakery/cafe with a lady sitting outside enjoying a cappuccino. Natalia started talking to her and she suggested we go in for the experience. Needless to say, this was amazing....the french barista made each cup of coffee with such joy, creativity and passion that we could not stop smiling for the rest of the day. Not only did we have the best hot chocolate and coffee EVER but we learned so much from this man doing his craft. It was amazing.

Voila!

best of 2009 blog challenge: restaurant moment + article

2009-12-06T23:45:00.009-05:00

my best restaurant moment of 2009...It was hard to think of a specific one. This year I have really learned the joy of home cooked meals and inviting people to our home. But there are 2 that feel special.Here I am at the restaurant, posing as Simone is asking me to...

The first one was in Rome, after only having breakfast and having lots of pizza Simone and I decided to have a nice meal on a beautiful Roman street and have some gelatto for dessert. I had amazing gnocchi with blue cheese sauce, Simone had pasta bolognese. Our bellies were full and our hearts content.

Simone is happy after our appetizer

My second yummy memory is of all the days we went to the beach and had mozzarella, tomato and arugula frisa for lunch. What was amazing was the freshness of all the ingredients and the arugula was fresh picked from the grassy areas around the beach.

This is Simone walking to lunch at one of those paradisaical beaches

Then for a larger "taste" of reality, the best article of 2009 is the Open Letter Michael Moore wrote to Obama, asking him not to send more troops to Afghanistan. He puts into words what so many of us have in our hearts.

best blog challenge: my best trip in 2009

2009-12-03T21:15:00.005-05:00

Gwen Bell started the The Best of 2009 Challenge, writing about the best trip you took in 2009 was the first prompt.

So my best trip of course was visiting Spain and Italy with Simone. There is a lot of story behind this, I always thought that after college I would travel the world. Before that all my attempts to get to Europe had been canceled repeatedly, a couple times with tickets in hand. Somehow after college I found myself being in love, I found getting used to being back in the US challenging and two and half years later I was married and expecting a baby. 3 years later getting a divorce....too much going on to go anywhere.

This summer, after the trip we had initially planned went bust, I jumped at the chance of Europe and planned the whole thing in about 10 days. It was amazing and beautiful and fun. It was also a celebration trip for Simone and I, of all we had gone through and the wonderful relationship we share. It was perfect and cannot wait to get back, I am actually hoping that at some point we get to live there.

what is calling me

2009-12-02T11:13:00.003-05:00

Today I am simply copying something wisely written by the lovely Kelly Rae Roberts, because I couldn't have said it better myself and my soul is screaming it inside me.

dear universe,

thank you for the important questions and for the honest answers. thank you for the encouragement to stay true to what calls me, no matter how inconvenient it might be for my timeline, spreadsheets, or checkbook. thank you for the unending inspiration. for creative flow. for heartful exchanges, for truth seeking, and for the everyday opportunities to learn more about what is really truly calling me. i'm listening. i'm questioning. and i'm answering. thank you.

runaway

2009-10-12T14:45:00.004-04:00

I have gone through so many things in the last couple of months. In fact, it is hard to believe that 2 months ago I was walking the streets of a small Mediterranean town and enjoying our last day in southern Italy. One month ago I moved out of the house I had lived in for the past 4 years. My first home since I separated. One month ago in a whirlwind of blessings and determination we moved in together to an apartment closer to the city and above never ending clouds of green.

We are happy, all three of us. We are loving this change in our lives. So today, I am taking the day to clean my new home and listening to music. Then a song by Los Pericos started playing. This song Jimmy declared was our song on our second date. We were driving to the Nissan Pavilion to a concert on his beloved mustang convertible "Jim". I didn't really pay attention to the song then. I have listened to a few times after but never until today did it feel so perfect. Listening to it made me smile today. It is so simple, yet it is so much our story....

Cuídame bien, que lo mío es serio,
quiero que estés a mi lado esta vez
Voy a fumar mientras te espero,
Voy a formar, un espacio mejor.

Runa, runa, runa runaway, away
Runa, runa, runa runaway, away

Voy a escribir con nubes tu nombre,
voy a soñar con tu cara hoy,
voy a pedir que nunca te vayas
quiero escuchar, más palabras de amor.
Runa, runa, runa runaway, away
Runa, runa, runa runaway, away

Cuídame bien, que siempre me pierdo
Quiero que estés, a mi lado esta vez
Voy a tomar tu mano en mi mano,
para formar un espacio mejor.

Runa, runa, runa runaway, away
Runa, runa, runa runaway, away

away, away away
away, away away

Cuídame, cuidame bien, que lo mío es serio.

stories from spain

2009-07-26T22:08:00.002-04:00

I had meant to write a few days back but by the time we are getting home each day, I am exhausted. We have been in Spain for 8 days, all of which have amazing. Each day a whole new breathtaking adventure. We were in Madrid for 6 days and fell in love with the city so much that Simone and I declared that we would happily move there. We have been in Barcelona for 2, and although I had always dreamt of coming here and it's by all means a lovely city, we have not fallen in love....and to top it off, some hours ago on our way home, some one got into my purse and helped themselves to my camera and my cell. I had ALL the pictures from the trip there, all now lost...

So I am sad because we had some great times recorded there. Yesterday on our walk down Las Ramblas my Simo spent all her change to have pictures taken with all the performers on the street...Simone and I decided we were going to write it all down so we would remember and of course at least we have eachother to share the memories with....and my wallet was not taken, nor our passports stolen and we are ok, but it still feels so wrong when something like that happens. I just have to feel better tomorrow morning so we can continue with our trip, we still have a bit more than 2 weeks to go! oh, and I have to decide whether to get a new camera here or just continue to have all our memories in our hearts, just for us two to share.

making history

2009-07-11T09:25:00.005-04:00

The responses of love and support were overwhelming. Thank so much! As a mom all I can say is that having my daughter back home is like being able to breath deeply again. For a long time I felt that the only times I could trully relax were the times I knew Simone was with her dad, now I feel that I can only relax when I know she is at least within a 15 mile radius, if not standing right by my side.

She is actually not by my side at this time...the down side of an independant girl is that she has a strong social circle and is now at her best friend's for a sleep over.

In the past week I have been thinking a lot about our role as mothers of girls. In my life I have been overly condesending and submissive, a strong voice of authority and I feel like a 5 year old being yelled at. I have to struggle within me constantly to stand up for myself and let my voice be heard. This has been the root of many set backs in my life. I never want that for my daughter. I believe that we can't expect to raise submissive daughters at home and expect them to go out as adults and seize the world. We can't expect to have daughters who never attempt to bend rules or question them and then as adults make a change in the world. What they live as kids and the life skills they start learning as kids are the tools that will make them who they are, rule makers or rule takers.

As parents we are always walking the very thin line of freedom of expression for our kids and respect for authority. How to do this is a growing challenge as she gets older. How do I teach her that there are times when she gets a say in the situation and there are times "when Mother knows best" and all this while attempting to raise her well...

So I have decided I want to raise a strong girl, a girl who will not be afraid to make herself be heard and a make a difference in some shape or form. A girl who knows what she wants and will be willing to do the work to get it. Her heart will of course have to be full of love, compassion, faith and God to guide her in the right direction, to set her goals in the right place... but I don't want raise "a good little girl"....because you know, good girls have never made history.

simone's happy heart

2009-06-29T09:45:00.002-04:00

Simone and I are a team. We are inseparable partners in life and I enjoy every minute. I feel privileged to be so close to this little person with such an enormous soul. She is now in Miami visiting her daddy and she was supposed to come back home tomorrow. I was excited because I get the daily school routine and now I was ready to do some summer fun but yesterday I got a call from her dad asking for an extra week....

Of course I said yes! I heard her little voice of excitement telling me about the fun she is having and how she has so many adventures planned with daddy...so with a broken heart, I said yes. I wanted to cry because I have missed her so much these past ten days. I make the most of my time away from her and try to relax....but the mommy heart and mind is always on. I can only be thankful that she has such a marvelous dad, he has done his best to be a part of her life in the distance. He has done his best to make her feel loved and special in his life...and she is having a blast. I have been determined as a mother to share her with the world, I have raised her an independent little girl since she was a baby. Her dad and I always made sure she was strong and secure....we just didn't know we were preparing her for life. A life of numerous flights on her own, months without seeing daddy, weeks without mommy...holidays back and forth...things that could break a little soul. But my little girl is wise beyond her years, stronger than so many souls I have encountered in my lifetime. She is a beauty in every sense of the word but every time I let her go a little part of my heart chips away.

I was so ready to have her back... but how could I ever say no to my angel's happy heart...

change

2009-06-23T12:27:00.003-04:00

I am very excited because a million changes are coming my way! Cycles are being completed giving space for new beginnings...things are being shuffled beneath my feet that in other circumstances might have driven me to panic but this time I am dancing along with the shuffle.

God I am open to all the good, all the surprises and adventures you are sending my way. I receive it all with open arms and a heart filled with joy!!!! I am grateful for it all and thank you dearly for teaching me along the way. Give me the strength and wisdom to seize opportunity in every challenge and always have faith that I am walking in this life with you holding my hand. My heart is ecstatic!

gratitude

2009-06-16T23:39:00.002-04:00

In the last 5 years of my life I have learned to be strong. I have learned to use tools to connect me back to my faith, tools to pull me out of a negative mind set and fill me with energy and hope and gratitude.

There are challenges I am facing right now, a bit of uncertainty. Looking at all the blessing in my life I should have no reason to even doubt that what is to come is only but a bigger blessing in my life. These uncertain times, that fill me with anxiety and incessant longing for massive quantities of sugar are really only a way of God telling me to quiet down, take a few deep breaths and pay attention to the blessings and gifts that come to my life everyday. Here are some of the blessings I have been given in the last 24 hours:

1. Meeting a kindred spirit that within 20 minutes of meeting me, looking me in the eyes said: remember the divine in you, you know what is right for you and no one's opinion should stop you. Raise your daughter honoring the divine with in her...remind her she is special.

2. All the information she provided me with.

3. Simone's last day as a second grader. She is so great, her smiles make the world shine.

4. Simone's friends coming over for a play date and listening to them play and interact. They gave each other lessons on their languages: Spanish, Korean and Chinese.

5. Seeing a gorgeous cardinal outside my window.

6. Getting an offer of help from a great girlfriend, having a great conversation and seeing her new home.

7. Eating 2 weight watchers ice cream bars and staying within my point allowance.

8. Getting 2 messages from family members from Peru that I have always wanted to be in touch with and meet.

9. Being provided for abundantly.

10. Being disciplined and making strides in my LEED studies....no more postponing.

11. Feeling much better after being sick for a few days.

12. Going to bed with a smile on my face...

34

2009-06-10T13:35:00.004-04:00

I really have no idea why this number is affecting me in any way. After all it's just a number...maybe it's because life is flashing before my eyes and I can't make time take a break. My mother moved to the U.S. in 1984 at the age of 36. At this time she had been married 12 years, had 4 children and was so much a woman. She was so independent, her decisions were her own and no one dare question. I, on the other hand feel like a kid. I always have family questioning my every move and decision and worse, is that I feel that I have to answer to them. 2009 so far has been very much about breaking that cycle. 34 is about bringing many plans and dreams into really...here is my bucket list:

TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL....every chance I get, everywhere and anywhere (leaving on 7/17 for an overseas adventure)
Find/create a job I love
Actively pursue UCHUVA or let it go for ever (did jewelry for a wedding...)
Be more generous and present to those around me
Have a constant prayer/meditation practice
Let go of 25lbs my body/mind is resisting to let go (6 lbs down...)
Run a 5k...gotta start somewhere, right? (done 7/4)
Go to Colombia and visit a place I've never been to before
Go to Chile
Complete Chalean Xtreme
Become a LEED AP (done 6/24)
Make a new I/Prosperity map
Visit my friend Leah
Run a 10k in the fall
Find a new place to live: requirements: LIGHT, lot's of closet space, nice kitchen, hardwood floors, Bethesda area, 2Bd/2Bth, within budget
Visit Debi in September
Buy a new car before the fall
Run the Cherry Blossom half marathon in the spring
Begin studying a new language with Jimmy
Take a Chemistry and Biology class, prerequisites for grad school
Learn about Permaculture
Devote 2 hours a week to make art with Simone
Create a constant weekly running routine...and stick to it
Save more money than I spend on unnecessary purchases
Smile and laugh more from my heart
Get closer to a place in my life where I can have another baby
Continue building a stronger family unit with my daughter and partner
Seize opportunities wholeheartedly, with strength and faith
Read at least 1 book per month
Cut down on online idling
Take more afternoon walks with Simone
Go see a broadway show
Go on a romatic weekend get away with Jimmy...
Celebrate my 35th birthday on the beach

this one is for you melissa!

2009-06-04T22:05:00.002-04:00

This is where I am at....soft sand under my feet, easy days that slip by too quickly...a lot of peace around me...a time of little effort, a lot laughs, many friends, surprises and comforts. How this all came to be I am still unsure. I just know that deep inside, it was exactly the type of year I had been asking for in my heart. It has gone by rather quickly but it has been a wonderful time to be a mother and claim my personal space and territory. It has been a time of nurturing my daughter and my boyfriend, a time of being very much a woman and a leader of my own little world.

I have found that I don't grow all at once. Little parts of me bloom at different moments, and life presents me with experiences to make me grow in areas that I am lacking. This has been a perfect time to be and what I really needed for the next steps in my life. I have been unconsciously yearning for this time since I became a mom.

It's coming to an end. I can feel it. I am cramming to become a LEED AP in one week, I am preparing for the greatness to come...I just don't exactly see it right now, it's still blurry but boy, will it be wonderful! I will be taking a wonderful trip soon, huge new changes in my life....I just have to be patient, proactive but patient until it all comes clear in my view.

NOTE: so my dearest Melissa, my neighbor-mommy-buddy extraordinaire, I promise you I will update at least once a month to keep you updated on our lives. I will miss you and your family so much...and I promise that as soon as I have a job I will be saving for my ticket to Japan. I hope you packed up the air mattress. I love you girl!

giselle is learning to fly

2009-05-18T22:44:00.003-04:00

2009

2008-12-26T02:05:00.002-05:00

Is it just me or did this year just pass by in a flash? Overall it was a great year...and ended with a bright clean slate for me to reinvent and start my life all over again. What a great opportunity...to surrender and embrace the surprises this uncertainty will bring. I am ready...for a vacation! I am off to Miami for 10 days to recharge and share with family and friends. I will be making my list of plans for the year and crossing out my accomplishments. Filling myself with drive and energy to find a new job and create a wonderful new year.

I am so happy and excited about my life right now and what it too come. 2008 was great, 2009 can only get much much better.

my path

2008-12-17T16:18:00.003-05:00

These have been trying weeks. I needed to read the wise words of Sue Monk Kidd to remember that the path of spiritual growth in never one of comfort. God allowed me allowed to catch my breath for twelve months and decided that for my own blessing it was time to move on. Funny thing because this is the first job I did not want to run from. So I am not looking at myself as part of the statistics or a victim of the economy, I am simply living this as a blessing that will take me closer to where I am supposed to go. I have had a lot of supportive friends, I feel moved to continue on the career path I had begun....but...there is a bit of tingling in my heart that has made me open to moving to other places and starting over...

Of course I always think of Simone and the support and love we have around but there is a big part of me that wants to expose her to the world and how our actions can transform lives. So we watched this together and found it very inspiring.

I am releasing to the universe that my soul is maybe ready to move on. The only thing that I am attached to I can take with me, so why tie myself down?

lucky

2008-12-08T06:32:00.005-05:00

So I got laid off last Friday. To say the least, I was SHOCKED! and then devastated...that evening while talking to my sister-in-law, she says "you've been through divorce and tough times in the real estate market but you've always had money and you've always been fine and things have always turned out for the better"..."you are the luckiest person I know!"

To this I answered"...really? because to me it has always felt that anytime in life when I've felt I can breath and relax, the carpet is pulled from under me so that I fall on my ass AGAIN!" I then went on to say that I am resilient and I choose to make the best of any challenge and dust off and start building and creating the next chapter of my life but that it takes great effort and I was hoping to save myself from that work right now. The truth is that I was happy at my job, I enjoyed coming in everyday and I really liked my co-workers. I tire easily at jobs but at this one, I did not feel I was done yet...plus no one gets to see the dirty work of being resilient!

On the other hand it really helped me see my life from that perspective, if anything all these falls have caused is that my world has expanded and I have grown. I get up faster now, cry less and get ready to fight it out sooner. I have to go back to my old lessons and remember that I have always done best when I let go quickly, do everything that is for me to do and let God take care of the rest. The details are not my problem...yesterday as I was leaving after picking up my things from work I did what I do at the end of yoga practice where you breath in the experience and it's gifts and then as you breath out you let it go. Namaste. and you move on.

So here I am, with all these plans to keep me busy and learning...and happy to have time to relax this holiday season. And as that old colombian new year's song says "Ano Nuevo Vida Nueva" New Year New Life - I am ready for my bigger blessings and my lucky new year!

a guide to living life

2008-11-20T12:55:00.000-05:00

UCHUVA

2008-11-19T09:26:00.008-05:00

UCHUVA was born from two friends' desire to bring art and fashion back into their corporate careers. Pilar and Giselle have known each other for over 18 years and although they received degrees in Fashion Design and Architecture, the path of life has taken them on an alternate route in the corporate world and motherhood. UCHUVA’s creations come together on a large antique table surrounded by children playing while their mothers immerse themselves in a world of beads. UCHUVA is a luscious mix of natural materials brought from their native Colombia and a variety of elements they find on their beading shopping sprees.

For UCHUVA's latest checkout www.3littlebirdstoldme.com

girls just want to have fun!

2008-11-16T22:34:00.006-05:00

These have been crazy times. A lot to keep me busy and entertained. This fall has been filled with small trips, the last of which whisked me away to Orlando with my colleague. We had lots of fun and even got to attend a Lionel Richie concert. We were so close we almost got LR sweat...I am actually happy we didn't get LR sweat. My colleague profoundly disagrees.

My parents who have been living in my home for the last year and a half, left a week ago for Colombia so this weekend was the first weekend in a long time that Simone and I had alone time.
I must say that I am so impressed by my ability to multi-task.

In just one weekend:

Staffed a table for UCHUVA at a Holiday Show...we ROCKED!
Went with Simone to my nieces cheerleading practice.
Did laundry.
Shopped for a babyshower gift.
Had a yummy lunch at a restaurant with Simone.
Attended the babyshower.
Watched a very good family movie with my sweet princess.
Read a book with Simone.
Did more laundry.
Cleaned Simone's room.
Went to church.
Went to get a snack and a craft for Tuesday's Brownie meeting that I will be hosting.
Went grocery shopping.
Cooked lunch.
Cooked lunch for tomorrow.
Cleaned kitchen.
Spray painted boxes for Tuesday's craft.
Watched 2 movies with Simone.
Checked out Facebook.
Cleaned my bathroom.
Read with Simone.
Tucked her in bed.
Went online...it's an addiction.

I did SO MUCH...I even managed to get 10 hours of sleep last night. Simone and I had so much fun, we chatted, joked, ate, played and loved each other tenderly all weekend. It was beautiful.

motherhood

2008-11-09T08:19:00.005-05:00

This is the most beautiful of the journeys I embark on everyday. I say everyday because each day is different and comes with its challenges and it's blessings. I am now in Orlando on a business trip and I miss my sweet Simone dearly. To hear her little voice on the phone is so exciting...to listen to her excitement as she recounts the daily events in her life.

I can say the 7 is a challenging age. There are more of their own person and you begin to see a bigger influence of the outside world and the baggage even small children carry around. You see there insecurities and their dreams, you guide them through struggles. They become more imperfectly human and you as a parent have to conquer your own fears and struggles to help them navigate their own.

I find myself reacting like my parents reacted and I am trying hard to be a present and conscious parent. To let her to bloom into her own little person and maybe have her carry as light a baggage as possible.

Tonight I will be once again reunited with my baby girl...she is dreamy and I am so looking forward to it.

faith...

2008-10-14T14:29:00.005-04:00

Everyday I am learning, as I have probably stated multiple times on this blog. Recently I have clearly seen the power of faith, the power of declaring, detaching myself from the outcome and moving forward. One clear example is my car. When I got back to DC and started my divorce process I got a used VW Jetta. Less than a month after having the car I got into a car accident- my very first car accident. Many people told me to get rid of the car and I immediately decided on my head that that was just something I couldn’t do. I was starting a new job, my credit wasn’t great (although by far better than it is now) and I had no money. The car was repaired and I continued to drive it on an 80 mile daily commute.

Six months later I got into another car accident, when a girl ran a red light. The car was never repaired properly, there were issues with the insurance and continued to keep the car, I have had no AC for years. Last year the car was parked for 5 months and then I had to put more than $2000 worth of repairs - and about $800 per year before. I still kept the car. In the last 9 months it has continued to fall apart, the dashboard looks like a Christmas tree. All this time I have been thinking “there is no way I can get a new car”. A couple of months ago, J was driving the car and put on the emergency brake. Something happened and since then, whenever you drive the car there is an annoying beeping sound. They have not been able to make it go away with out a big investment on my part. I was upset and then I took it as God saying “Giselle, I have tried everything I can think of to make you get rid of this car, I am now sending you the most annoying beeping sound as a reminder that you have to get rid of it. Don’t ask how you are going to get by, don’t worry that your credit is absolutely shot, just let it go” and so I did; and only because God chose the right signal this time.

So I told my great friend that I needed a new car and she replied by saying that she would buy it under her name (WOW!) then I mentioned it to my ex-husband and he offered to buy it too. A few weeks later he offered to give me his current car (2008 Volvo) because he doesn’t use while he’s working. I accepted and just flew down to Miami this weekend to pick it up _ needless to say it is great and probably up there as the best car I have ever had. I got offers from people to drive it up but I had to pay the ticket and it’s still an investment going down and gas. Then a friend calls me out of the blue, that she wants to go because she needs a few days off and will drive back with me (she saves herself the money for the ticket) and boom, it’s set. In fact I bought our tickets 3 weeks ahead and it’s probably the first time I buy tickets 3 weeks in advance to anything in my life. I also got to spend time with lovely girlfriends and have a great time!!

It all came together and I am just amazed at how when we are faced with challenges and we don’t react but just faithfully accept that this too shall pass and it all will be solved – we are delivered with beautiful miracles.

tan corto el amor, tan largo el olvido...

2008-09-03T07:25:00.005-04:00

"love was so short, so long the goodbye"
It hasn't been easy. There have been moments of intense longing but there has always been the knowing that going back will take me back to a place where I just wasn't happy anymore.

He has made it easy because despite of professing his love so much he has done nothing. He has withdrawn almost completely and sends text messages like an old friend. I think he was feeling pressured by my expectations and not having lo live up to them and be able to do whatever he wants, just makes him feel better and happier. It's sad because there are people that do not have his well being in their best interest and just want to have fun and will go along and provide support to what ever crazy thing he wants. As long as he continues to be funny and a source of entertainment and he doesn't see that.

I know I can't see him anytime soon. I would fall back into this game all over again. I know I have to maybe go cold turkey. I know I feel better, talking myself through this time, being patient with myself. Letting go of any type of expectation...

I am hoping to start therapy soon, I think I keep repeating certain patterns and I want to identify where they come from.

Back in the spring I had said that I would give this relationship until the end of the summer...and with out me doing anything it just fell apart on its own. Talk about the power of declarations.

now

2008-08-28T10:07:00.003-04:00

words calm my soul
they quiet my aching heart
they reach out to you now that you are gone

i know you are hurting
i know you miss my voice
i know you feel ready to say goodbye

we've never been on this road before
where love does not seem to paint our world
we might reunite to walk together once again

or we might have reached the end of our road

the road I have chosen...a world of possibilities

2008-08-26T17:34:00.004-04:00

Many times I go back to old posts to remind myself of different times in my life and to remind myself of decisions I had taken.

What I wrote last week has happened and once again he didn't do the work and he left me waiting. I was terribly sad, one part of me wanting to react horribly and punish him somehow for making me ache. Another part of me was just watching the whole time. I wanted to cry all day because I felt so helpless, because I felt it all slipping away.

I have held unto relationships longer than I should before, I have lived through endings and know what it feels like. I know I hold on until the pain of staying gets bigger than the pain of letting him go. And so that is where I find myself now. I hope I am not a quitter, I know I am a believer and truster (if there is such a word). I believe in surrendering to love and I believe in honesty.

I am through with manipulative love games. I am sick of playing all my 33 years. I want a REAL relationship, one in which I feel I have come home. My coach said that until I am truly available I will keep running into "unavailable" men...maybe it's true. I feel so ready- although I need to take a breather of all this romantic turmoil.

I am not saying that it is all over. I have never said that in any relationship because letting go opens the world to a multitude of possibilities and I still believe in miracles. I guess I just have to wait and see...

blessings

2008-08-17T18:06:00.004-04:00

A few weeks ago I wrote some sad words about a moment in my life. There were all true, all full of determination and good intentions then life had other plans... after a business trip that allowed me time on my own and some soul searching more challenges came. My reactions are always the same and then today I received an answer: it had been nearly 3 weeks since I went to Unity and today I went and to my surprise we had a guest speaker. A wonderful coach/minister/musician that taught lessons of self love and was giving a session in the afternoon about relationships. An answer to my prayers!

Normally I never go to afternoon sessions because I have Simone but today I was absolutely available to be there. Just perfect.

It was wonderful, it was funny and it was enlightening. I was reminded that what we see in others is a mirror of ourselves. Even what we hate in others. I was reminded that the only true answer is love. I learned that partnerships are spiritual and that we should (ideally) be with people who want to grow and be willing to do the work. I learned so many other things I can't even bring into words. I spoke to L a bit ago and had so much love for him. I truly want him to be ok and I am willing to be there and not run like I've done in the past. What capacity I will be involved in his life, I don't know but I will be there, if only as a witness. I know I can't do any of the work for him and that him not doing it may just mean the real end to any romantic involvement. I know there is a lesson here for me and if I live it bravely and being present and allowing his true soul to shine through then I have done my job. My soul feels complete. I am not expecting anything from him and that gives me so much peace.

The other relationship in my life, well I learned that for one, your marriage will never work if you have not weaned yourself from your parents (DUHHH...one reason I am divorced now!) Second, that we are just not supposed to live with our parents, it's just not natural. So I will manage this situation with love as well. I was blessed with a whole strategy popping into my brain and I am HAPPY!

I had been upset thinking how all this chaos was going to take place in my life, now I feel like I am really up for the challenge. I can do this with love, presence and acceptance.

So for all those that were worried, thank you. Your words and love are a blessing. I sometimes write more than I should, mostly because it's a therapy for myself. In writing I find healing and answers and there are always challenges in life. The only thing you can control is how much you are willing to suffer over them.

special sunday

2008-05-22T11:12:00.009-04:00

Simone was baptized but if you ask her she will say it was her bath-patism. I have no desire to correct her. It was a wonderful and surprising day. We were blessed to share it with some of the people closest to our hearts. Other we missed...

Since a picture is said to be worth a 1000 words (and I am short on time) - I hope these 4 count as a really long post.

Our lovely Maia - Simone's Godmother.

wondering

2008-05-10T10:52:00.001-04:00

If he is missing me as much as I am missing him?

UCHUVA

2008-04-16T08:50:00.002-04:00

So we are setting up our Etsy store for online ordering and making rounds to our local customers. We are loaded with gorgeous goodies that will take your breath (and your money) away. It's all for a good cause as a percentage of every purchase will be donated to Carolina's Hope, a foundation raising funds for my 14 year old cousin's fryomalgia and lyme disease treatment.

what are you doing?

2008-04-10T10:13:00.001-04:00

I feel so boring when people ask me this. I haven’t traveled much in the last year; my last vacation was over a year ago. I work 5 days a week from 7:30 to 4:00. I go to the gym about 2 days a week and work out at home a couple of days more. I recently took up Body Pump and love it. I read to Simone not nearly enough since she started reading on her own. I take her to ballet/tap class on Mondays and gymnastics on Thursdays. I download podcast of inspirational speakers and listen to them on my way to work or I listen to NPR. I watch TLC or Style if I watch TV…the only shows I watch are Dancing with the Stars and Jon and Kate Plus 8. I go to church at least 2 Sundays a month. I work on UCHUVA one evening a week and one afternoon on the weekends. I see my boyfriend one day a week but talk to him on the phone all day long. I do something entertaining at least one evening a week with friends or boyfriend and one evening with Simone. I don’t meditate or pray enough…or read enough and yet I feel as if I am busy all the time, tired all the time, have nothing really interesting to say when people ask me this and yet……I am never bored or unhappy. I really enjoy my life as is. I do want to meditate more and have at least 15 minutes of quiet every day and I want to do more yoga, invest more time in my education and travel more. I want to take walks or runs in the afternoon with Simone.

I have recently discovered that there is fear in me when it comes to traveling. I have not been able to pinpoint it exactly but is there…something new to work on.

So there, that is my life and that is what I am doing!

By the way, did you notice that 90% of my life revolves around my daughter….I hadn’t!

words flow into my life when she comes to mind...

2008-04-01T10:16:00.003-04:00

Simone is my very favorite subject...everything interesting in my life revolves around her, I am fascinated by seeing her grow up. I am marveled everyday by her strong personality. One recent instance come to mind.

Her dad came to visit her over spring break and we went to the National Building Museum for a Cherry Blossom Festival event. When we were done there, we decided to stop by the Verizon Center a couple of blocks away and maybe take her to the circus. I have many times made Simone aware of the treatment of the animals at the circus and how I don't want her to go. Since we were there, so much excitement was going on, we figured we might let her see it. We didn't tell her but just went inside to find out about the tickets. She kept asking why so many people were there, what was going on...finally we told her that it was the circus. She looks up and asks "does it have animals?" we tell her yes. She says "let's go, I don't want to see it."

We tell how proud we are of her making that choice, she walks quietly and looks up at me and says "why were you going to take me in there?" OK...here is mom that talks but does always follow through...

Can I just say that my daughter is awesome, that I have no idea where that strength and determination comes from...that she surprises me everyday and that I feel completely blessed to be her mom.

silence

2008-02-13T13:05:00.004-05:00

I have been really quiet lately....I really don't seem to find anything to write about. My blog at least is personal and has few readers but I am facing the same dilemma at work. I have been commissioned to write my first magazine article with the title "Affordable Green" and to finish a Hispanic Consumer Report; both with Friday deadlines. Can I just say that my procrastination has gone to its maximum level and I keep waisting time at my desk?

Scary...such a privilege to do both things, but my mind, knowing that these are challenging tasks, is not cooperating much. Oh well, I better get my act together in the next 5 minutes and make this a very productive afternoon.

the big 33!

2007-12-19T13:24:00.000-05:00

Being so close to the end of the year I have decided to make a list of 33 things I will do next year. I am being inspired daily by people around at work, my daughter, my family and there are many things that are in my heart that I know would bring me a lot of joy and would help me grow and teach me more.

1. Start a compost. I don't have a yard, just a small front patio but I just read that you can even do it in your kitchen (which is also small). My county is giving out compost bins for free, so I will try them out first. A big plus is that this can be a project to do with Simone and my father, who is living at my house at the moment, will also be a big help.

2. I will walk/jog/yoga 3 times per week. In the last 3 years I have lost a some 20+ pounds and since Simone was born, close to 50. I was not gifted with thick firm skin and my years of vegetarianism have not helped either so I really need to do something about this. I am not having huge expectations other than enjoying myself and see the benefits in my body. Another big plus is at least a couple of evening walks with Simone.

3. I will stop eating dairy. I will not be a fanatic about this but I will not included in my daily diet. I have made great strides in this regard. I love dairy but I am not happy about the idea of dairy farming so I wish to limit this as much as possible. I also love soy milk and rice milk more each day.

4. I will get my LEED® AP accreditation.

5. I will start grad school, either environmental management or environmental policy with and emphasis on sustainable development.

6. I will volunteer for Habitat for Humanity.

7. I will be more disciplined about learning French. I will do it on my own in a set schedule or enroll in classes.

8. I will take a hotel vacation with Simone, preferably to Cozumel for some good snorkeling experience.

so it has taken me more than a month to finish...sadly I have not been really good at starting at many of these goals. Lovely Chantal will help me with #7 and I have started to listen to my French podcasts driving from work. I have worked out 2 times this year, that is not nearly as much as I wish to do it but it is more than what I did in the second half of '07. I have also been really good about cutting down on the dairy.....and so the list continues.

9. I will cut down dramatically on all refined carbs and sugars.....instead choosing to eat wholesome and healthy.

10. I will be powerful in words and actions. I will follow through at work and in my personal life, doing what I say I am going to do, when I say I am going to do it.

11. I will be gregarious and joyful. I have noticed in the past year that there are situations where I feel so shy that I am in panic inside. I may look normal outside but inside I want to run and hide...I breath myself through those moments. I also look at people who carelessly laugh and play and wish I could be there and do that. I think too much ALL THE TIME. I will be playful and fun.

12. I will go to 2 weddings and Europe this year. I want to go to 2 weddings in Colombia and I really want to visit some of the lovely friends I have in Europe and have not seen in ages...

13. I will give more love in my relationships. I will be more giving, I will be more thoughtful, I will give without thinking or expecting to receive.

14. I will be a mover and shaker at work at D&R and Uchuva.

THIS IS YOUR YEAR

2007-12-11T07:42:00.000-05:00

Last February after watching The Secret, I sat down one snowy day to make my very own vision board. Inside a magazine I found in big bold letters THIS IS YOUR YEAR, I cut them out and stuck the phrase right in the middle of the board.

Now we are just 20 days from the end of the year and truth be told, THIS IS MY YEAR. It was filled with lessons of growth and a million blessings and even more love. Today I am better than a year ago, I cannot think of one area of my life that stayed the same, I grew up. The funny thing about the phrase is that although I feel blessed to have had this year, it also manifested very differently than what I would have thought would be a great year. In my head great feels soft and rich and comfortable....this year felt more light a cold fresh shower and it was the best. Just a lesson in how little we know.

full circle

2007-11-15T10:51:00.000-05:00

I am sitting on a cloud. 9 years ago I graduated with a degree in architecture from a very prestigious school. I was broke, insecure, in love, lost, very confused and with every desire to spread my wings. I had started eating chicken (after 8 years of vegetarianism) as a sacrifice to God so in return my thesis project could get a passing grade, my partner in the project gave up smoking. She went back to smoking after we barely passed, I am still eating chicken. A few months after graduating I moved to LA with every desire to live in independence, travel the world and conquer it if possible. The dreams lasted for about three weeks because the pain of fear was so extreme, I moved to DC to be with my mom. I visited my boyfriend on the way there and a few months later he moved in with my mom and I. I now see how it all started wrong. Our dreams did not unite us but our fears.

I had many jobs that felt tedious. I was always to afraid to envision what I wanted and focused more on just making a living, in the process of course I felt as a complete under achiever and frustrated.

Now at 32 I am living what seems to be a complete circle. I writing this from my new office cubicle, my first job that has no attachment or consideration of my income, yet it is the highest paying job I have ever had. I chose it because it felt perfect; I am enamored with the company vision, with my quiet colleagues that type away all day and our collective dream of creating a more environmental friendly world. I love that reading green construction books and magazines are part of my job and that I am surrounded by people who dare to dream of a more greener possibility for all. Here, every single one of my past employment experiences and my education is valuable and appreciated; I even get to feel like an architect once again.

I accept my past mistakes and really only wish to have lived my life with more freedom. Part of the process of growing is having patience and knowing inside your heart that your wishes and dreams can come true regardless. They may come a bit different than you expected but at the perfect time when you truly can embrace them.

thank you....

2007-11-04T23:00:00.000-05:00

It has been a quiet time in my life. A lot of time at home with my family and with Simone. I was getting bored and then I got a few projects coming about: I had begun a jewelry company some 4 years ago and whenever I was short on money I go back to my beads and sell some. Now I am relaunching it, partnering up with my sister-in-law Pilar....the big date in Friday and it has been renamed UCHUVA. So I have also been immersed in beads and knitting and creating and organizing what I already had. I'm detached from the outcome, enjoying the process, wanting things to sell because I think they are pretty but not expecting anything financial. We are yet to create an impacting mission of our accessories, that is all we need to change the world.

Last week I also got the job of my dreams. I was a little weary because my resume is crazy jumping from career to career and not much stability. Then comes along a company that is perfect for my potpourri experience, my degree in architecture and my wish to pursue a career in the environmental field. PERFECT in every sense of the word...when I got the call for the interview and went on the company site, I just cried. I felt home, I felt that God had brought me home.

I have only to pay attention to ONE THING: my body. I have been eating badly, not exercising enough. Some clothes aren't fitting and I have to pay attention and complete this perfect moment I am experiencing.

I am really happy, I am really thankful, I look forward to everyday. I see my life coming together beautifully. I am experiencing beauty!

so we ran...

2007-10-22T09:32:00.001-04:00

Right after our 1 mile run.

So yesterday we had a great day! Simone signed up for a half mile run at school, she trained for a week and Jorge decided he would come and run the mile with her (he is a great dad!) His arrival was a whole ordeal which included his bags not arriving and him not being able to run with Simone. So I had to. I have always loved running despite of me being so lazy to be disciplined about it. After an almost sleepless night we got up and headed for the race. We took a few pictures and off we went. I am so proud she was able to do it, her training paid off so much! I was exhausted and Jorge cheered us on and met at at the last quarter mile and ran with us. Both of us holding Simone's hand, taking her to the finish - a bit of what life is like. She was really tired but sprinted to the end and the picture is her showing her medal. She is awesome.

The morning was beautiful because somehow we felt like a family. We are the two people that cherish Simone the most and we were spending this time with her, celebrating her. I didn't feel alone raising her. We have come to a point were we can share and talk kindly and be glad for each other's achievements. We were all happy. A great big part of me felt ok with things being the way they are and it felt right. We have a built this that we have now, we moved beyond guilt and pain to create a "family" for Simone. Truly life teaches us that blessings come is so many forms and colors, if we just have a little patience and faith.

Oh, I also realized that I REALLY WANT TO RUN A HALF MARATHON! So I declaring it, now I just have to start training...

happy soul....

2007-10-18T14:52:00.001-04:00

In the midst of fear, pain and despair there has been so much love! And so many blessings....I don't have much to write today but I have really good news to confirm one week from now and I am so HAPPY!

Everything is coming together just perfectly....

With all this experience though, I have learned:

- to surrender
- to have patience
- increased faith
- be diligent
- be the truth
- to receive (what a hard one!)
- to ask
- to feel good all the way through
- to be grateful
- to see blessings, whichever form they manifest

i choose....

2007-10-09T09:23:00.001-04:00

I am raw. I have chosen to let go of everything and follow the path I am supposed to follow in this life...my divine purpose. I have had moments of panic and despair, moments of fear...yet I find that in the path I discover myself. I have had to let go of my fear of being vulnerable, my fear of not being liked and my fear of disapproval, my fear of not having good credit, my fear of having to be everything for everybody even if it meant being nothing for myself.

I am in the process and the hardest part is learning to surrender and accepting the truth despite it all and being ok with whatever the present moment manifests. Sometimes I have felt that my prayers are not being heard, that my affirmations and my visualizations are not working yet there are tiny moments of intense clarity, moments where beyond my fears I can see how everything makes sense. How my life is falling into place and in a bit it will all be alright because despite it all I am still learning that money is just an illusion and that to have more we have to let it go.

I have also gotten many surprising and wonderful gifts, all unexpected that have shown me that prosperity is vast and unpredictable. That our dreams can go beyond our bank accounts and our pay checks.

So I have come to this point because 5 months ago I chose freedom and 3 years ago I chose truth. And only now that I wrote these words I realize that every challenge has been part of this road I chose, that I can't get where I want to go without going through this. It is the scariest gift I have received, the biggest challenge I have embarked on....I still have to learn to cherish and enjoy the opportunities that come with these challenging times, I have even had to accept to have fun and enjoy myself.

I wake up everyday with options and today as everyday I choose love, I choose joy, I choose happiness, I choose children, I choose art, I choose nature, I choose vegan, I choose words, I choose dreams, I choose fairies, I choose fruit, I choose the sea, I choose life, I choose nature, I choose books, I choose vast spaces filled with light and soft breeze with in my soul. Today I choose to be happy.

the princess of the world

2007-10-04T17:47:00.000-04:00

Simone playing dress-up

So I am talking to Simone's teacher yesterday and one of the things we discussed was how Simone had not gotten a good behavior ticket in class. She said she had not realized she had not gotten one but that she in fact always behaved and tried her best. I told her that I appreciated it but that I was also trying to get Simone to understand that you don't always get awards and all the attention everywhere. Ms. Liu, her teacher tells me that Simone is a really sweet girl and that everybody loves her. I proceed to tell that I know that, that ever since she was born everybody loves her but that she had to understand that it was alright if things weren't that way and that she just could not expect to be the princess of the world all the time. To this Ms Liu replied "Well you know, with Simone's personality, she could always be the princess of the world!"

The princess of my world!

mi lindisimo

2007-09-27T23:22:00.001-04:00

He is a clown, a poet, a revolutionary, a dreamer, a "king", a patient and understanding soul...that loves, respects and gives unconditionally. We never question each other for giving too much, he understands Simone goes before him.

He is a sweet soul who came to my life to teach and heal...and he has done a great job!

We don't know what the future holds, yet we do know that when all is love, it never hurts...there is only beauty.

Te quiero mucho mi Lindisimo...

keep the fold...

2007-09-19T09:59:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my mother's 60th birthday...it was low key day. Not many people involved, just her kids, grandkids and husband, last night we went all out to dinner at a yummy restaurant. We were having a good time, just enjoying the company when our lovely waitress came to us with some news:

"A very generous man saw you celebrating and decided to cover the bill for you all, he is already gone and just asked for you to keep the fold."

I just sat there in shock, waiting for her to let us know that it was a joke...Pili just started crying, Caro kept asking where the man was, my dad and Ivan where asking random questions, none of us really believing what had just happened.

After a few minutes we made a small prayer blessing that generous man and we all left the evening with full bellies and full hearts because we had received a gift, a lesson of love and a commitment to do something grand and selfless for 3 more people...

I guess that is one of the many ways miracles happen.

answers

2007-09-16T23:20:00.001-04:00

So that was us 4 years ago...and maybe the happiest day we shared as a family. Simone was turning 2 and she can hardly remember it.

Two things have amazed me as an adult, pregnancy/motherhood and divorce. I have never understood how millions of people do this all the time, everyday and no one KNOWS how amazing and miraculous the first one is and how much like dying alive the second one is...you only truly know it until you have gone through both.

The end of a relationship you heal but the end of a family, I am not sure you can. I am a complete non-believer of divorce...I think I surrendered to that reality only when I saw that I was dying even more by staying than by leaving. I guess I chose to be happy and loved, even if it meant my daughter would always be carrying that pain in her heart.

I often wonder if it will ever make sense...if I left when there really was nothing more to do. Many around me would agree that I held out long enough. Nevertheless it kills me when my crying 6 year old asks me if I know that there is always sadness in her heart because her parents aren't together. When she asks what made us think it was OK to separate when she was only 3...or when she tells me, like she did tonight, that when she sees families she feels like that is a club she can't belong to.

I remember telling my ex-husband that as much as I loved my daughter I was only 29 and deserved to be loved and that I would not stay in the marriage for her. I have always been quick to criticize women who would put their children's happiness before there own and who would hold on to a marriage for their sake...now I am not so sure. Or maybe is just my ache for my daughter's broken heart that is not allowing me to see clearly. I know as woman that I have to be well in order to be a good mom and to teach my daughter determination and courage and self respect. Maybe she would have been the first to tell me to leave if she had been older...

My heart is full of doubt. I want to give her a family so bad, I would have more kids in a second. I somehow want to know that it was alright, that despite my mistakes and my responsibility for the end of my marriage I made the right choice when I left. That there was nothing else for me to do or give, I had given all of myself to such an extent that I was lost....maybe we were all just too wrong for each other and hanging unto a co-dependent relationship that enlarged our insecurities and fears rather then making us better people. At the same time I feel we owed it to Simone to have figured this out together and transformed ourselves and our relationship to build a home and family for her.

Maybe I will never have the answers, maybe I have always known the answers...maybe I just have to surrender to my story and continue to believe that there is a purpose for everything and that if I hold out long enough, never giving up on my faith and dreams I will experience a miracle larger than the pain I ever went through in the lesson. Now I just have to have the wisdom and love to teach this to my child....

the art of multitasking

2007-09-08T16:07:00.000-04:00

How did I manage to drive (on the highway), close my eyes and take a picture all at the same time...maybe this is proof of my bravery...or NOT!

my teacher...

2007-09-07T22:15:00.000-04:00

I know that as parents, it is our job to teach and guide our children but I can honestly say that mine probably teaches me more than I could ever teach her. I am aware of my job to guide her and to teach her patience and survival skills, but this kid is just too much.

I can remember when she was about to turn 1 and all I kept thinking was how people made such a big deal about babies and really a baby only lasts about 10 months because that is the way she was, old and wise. Simone has always been her own person and very independent. She has always been able to hold a utensil perfectly, she has always known how to hold a pencil. She has decided the themes for her birthdays since her second birthday...she can do anything. When her dad and I separated she was only 3, yet she can remember everything and was very aware of what was going on. She is so strong and afraid of almost NOTHING. I look at her and wonder where this fearless bright child came from...

Her second week of school and I got her packet of work she has done, everything was perfect, I kept looking for a good somewhere. Her new project is a yard sale to raise funds for her school and poor kids in Colombia, she has visited our neighbors to make donations, she has theme sign a piece of paper and write what they donated. She wants to make signs and post them up and asked her grandmother to bake cookies for the buyers. Yesterday morning as she is giving out our assignments for the yard sale she screams out "Focus People, this is business!" All I kept thinking was, hello? You are 6!

Last Sunday she got all dressed up to dance for us, with her cumbiambera dress that she got my aunt to send to her from Colombia...she looked beautiful and so proud of her heritage. She challenges me a lot because I have always been shy, maybe even tried to be invisible...and here comes this girl whose light shines so bright and energy is so strong there is no way but to follow her way and learn from her marvelous gifts.

simply me

2007-09-02T23:28:00.001-04:00

You know at night, when you are alone and it's all quite; when there is nowhere to hide and pretend...when all there is, is simply you...when no matter what external circumstances appear to be your essence is unchanged, your happiness intact. When the only thing in life that can move you to tears is love itself...that is where I am, that is simply me.

one year later my sweet love...

2007-09-01T19:59:00.000-04:00

One year later...yup it was one year a go that I bravely faced the day of taking you to your first day of kindergarten. You looked so tiny at your new school, I felt like I had to stay and protect you. I had to stay with you and let everybody know that you were unique and delicate and you had to be protected, treated tenderly. Of course I didn't get to do that. I took you to your classroom, your eyes were shining, you sat at your table, looked at me and said "mommy I think it's time for you to go." I took a thousand pictures and left, my eyes of course were full of tears. I have never tried to keep you all for myself, I have always had the believe that the more love you receive, bigger the gifts for your life. I was right, I am pleased to say that I have raised a bright, independent girl. Your bravery teaches me everyday. I left that day really sad because I felt like school was the first big step of letting you go. I wanted to keep you a baby forever and I also wanted badly to share that moment with someone (That is one bummer about divorce, you face all the big days of your kid's life alone) so I drove off crying.

Then the year was full of marvelous surprises and I felt so ready for first grade, then last Monday came and we were both so excited to get to school...then I left you there after taking pictures and being the only mom in first grade taking pictures with my eyes full of tears...I felt like I was loosing you once again. I wondered during the whole time if that was the way it was going to be every first day of school. I felt sad to let you go once again and felt sad to be living that moment alone...then I felt so privileged and blessed to be able to be there, to be able to be with you every first day of all your school years. YOU are so marvelous, so wonderful to love, and smell and share my life with, you are such a wonderful human being that I am certain that just the act of being there and experiencing life along your side its a blessing in itself; even if it means doing it alone.

cloudy days

2007-08-24T12:22:00.001-04:00

I am from the tropics, I was born in a city that is 85 degrees year round and now in DC the sun disappeared about a week ago. Then there are all these new issues in the real estate business and the fact that I sell real estate for a living and have a daughter to support, it is scary. At this time I am very much into The Secret and I am attending a Unity Church where visualizations, affirmations and meditations are a daily practice. Nevertheless a sunless summer and everybody you work with carrying a gloomy face, well I was feeling quite blue. All day. Then the most wonderful things happened all through the day that made me feel so blessed and loved and happy...I felt like God was telling me "See, everything is perfect and will be alright. I am taking care of you".

So the blessings of my day...well first my dad had a really bad virus in his computer and we were able to fix it so easily. We had tried to hook him up to the internet at my house and couldn't find the CD and we found it. In the afternoon Simone had her back to school day and we saw her new classroom and met her wonderful new teacher, Ms Liu. Simone was so excited because this year she has a math book and a social studies book and a journal. After visiting the school we went to buy her school supplies and we found everything and had a lovely time together. It was one of those special bonding parenting experiences. I had mentioned to Simone that my favorite teacher in elementary school had been Mr Liu and that I was so excited her teacher had the same name, when we got home I went to look for something and in the box I find a picture of my dear friend Debi, Mr Liu and me, I had not seen that picture in ages and now I could show it to Simone. In the evening I had a wonderful conversation with my ex-husband. The end of our marriage was not a pretty one but we have now built a very nice friendship and I always enjoy talking to him about Simone and how AMAZING she is. Anyway, finally I went down to meet Jimmy...I had planned a evening at home, cooking, watching a movie and just enjoying each others company yet he had something totally different in mind. He was so happy to see me and have me all to himself. He took me to a gorgeous Peruvian restaurant in Adams Morgan...walking in the city, holding hands, candle-lit dinner, a nice bottle of Chilean wine....yummy dinner, yummy dessert....yummy everything.

All during dinner I kept thinking how blessed I am, how loved I am. It was all perfect, every moment of that day was perfect and I had been blue, not living the now, not seeing the blessings. I was happy that I was able to really see before the day ended. I was happy to realize that although the day was gray my life was GLOWING.

Una declaracion de amor...

2007-08-18T01:40:00.000-04:00

perceptions

2007-08-15T00:05:00.000-04:00

i have always wondered about the story behind a face, the freedom behind the smile, the struggle before a greeting, the tears before the morning...

is what we see what truly is...will the grass always look greener on the other side?

just trying to make a sense of random thoughts...perhaps i simply need to fly.

A humbling experience

2007-08-02T01:49:00.000-04:00

Very humbling really, so humbling in fact that it brought me to tears. Here I am worried about the most mundane things, designer glasses, designer purse, hybrid car, a bigger house, a luxurious vacation, more clothes, not making enough money, working too much, the $1 million client, bills, not enough education, wrinkles, botox, cellulite, plastic surgery, under achiever, not speaking enough languages, not traveling enough, I am a single mom and it is hard....and really, truly, it is all a waste of time. A waste of thought, a waste of energy, a waste of our minds and our souls a waste of Us. Of me.

My friend Alexandra's brother is an Investigative Producer/Journalist for Pirry a very well known Colombian journalist that has a show somewhat like 20/20 here, but uses street language and tells it like it is, crudely. He recently did a show about Cartagena. A Colombian jewel, an enchanting city that has thousands of tourist visit each year, but that beyond the colonial city, the beaches, luxurious hotels and the million dollar homes and condos lies another reality of poverty and despair. So here it is: Los Fantasmas de la Ciudad de Piedra.
It is a story so sad and unreal to most of us that it makes us really appreciate the beauty in our lives, it allows us to see that there is so much beyond the "needs" society imposes on us. That there are people out there that really struggle, that really have needs and pains and have no hope. No way out other then violence, prostitution, drugs, or death.

It also made me think that there must be a bigger purpose in our lives than self satisfaction...there is only so much joy that material things will bring. Maybe our lives' work must mean more than just a paycheck and a good retirement account. There is a lot to be done for so many people, so many women, so many children. It all made me want to go back home, try to help somehow, coach these women and empower them, shed some light in there life. Then again who am I to think that I could make a difference, that I could teach them something, after all, I probably have a world to learn from them.

So 10 years later...

2007-07-31T00:13:00.000-04:00

So we shared a weekend of absolutely blessed moments...just being together.

The Gift

2007-07-26T23:26:00.001-04:00

It has been almost 10 years since my brothers, my sister and I got together with my parents and we have never been together with our kids...

In 1999 I moved back to the US, my brothers and sister quickly followed. Since 1989 when we moved back to Colombia my father had never returned, he was allergic to the country somehow and avoided all our efforts to get him up here. Then since miracles do happen, all of a sudden a few months back he decided it was time to return, to be part of his kids' daily adult lives and enjoy his growing grandkids. He arrived last Friday to Miami, tomorrow he's arriving in DC, along with Carlos and Sophie. We have a busy weekend ahead of us, Kokelita is inviting us for dinner at her place tomorrow night, Saturday noon is Simone's birthday party, Saturday night a barbecue at Ivan's......72 hours of none stop togetherness!!! Monday morning Carlos and Sophie are heading back to Miami since Sophie is flying to Bogota Tuesday. It will be such a joy to be together and share, last time, only Maria Jose was around, and the rest of us were still single. We were really just kids.

This is a lesson, of the gift of each moment that is presented to us. Had we known last time we were all together that it would be almost 10 years before we got to spend such a blessed moment, maybe, just maybe we would have lived it differently...maybe appreciated much more the Gift we were living. And that is a lesson in so many moments in our lives, the last kiss, the last conversation, the last hug...

The day I finally left my ex-husband, we had a really good morning. We talked, had a yummy lunch and hugged to and from the car...then a whole lot happened I left and it was over, forever. And I always wondered if I had known that those moments were our very last would we have lived them differently? Will we ever sit and chat and share a meal like friends...do we ever get back moments we took for granted? I don't know...I do know that this weekend I will savor each second and take lots of pictures and remember old road trips and old jokes and just be happy to share with my family.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

2007-07-19T04:12:00.000-04:00

So tomorrow you will be turning 6! Wow, that is a big number and what a journey it has been... Lately we have been fighting a lot, maybe because we are together everyday or because you are more your own person now and then again just a kid. Your dad & I tend to forget sometimes because you are wise beyond your years. You shine wherever you go, you make everyone around you fall in love. You are adored by your family. You are so very sweet and loving. You are my little companion in life, walking hand in hand everyday.

You are now sleeping late, swimming a whole lot, in love with the Disney Channel, changing schools for the fall, reading a little bit on your own, about to lose your first 2 teeth and very afraid of losing your teeth, you have traveled on your own many times already and make friends with the whole plane, you are fascinated with everything Asian and want to celebrate your next birthday in China, you can say Hello in 7 languages, you love to dance, you love makeup, you love to wash your hair, you want your own laptop, you still suck your thumb and use a satin blankie to sleep, you talk and talk and talk, you are very confident and can start a conversation with just about anyone, you are brave, you love movies, you love Colombia, feel Colombian and would love to live there, you love being my baby and having me take care of you, you love to cry for just about any reason, you are friends with all our neighbors, you love to dance, you love to draw and paint and do crafts, you are very fluent in English and Spanish, you love clothes, shopping and purses, you want to travel the world, you are simply magnificent.

Tonight is like 6 years ago, a sleepless night. I was 195lbs and nights were endless...you were quite comfortable inside my tummy and had no desire to come out. We were told that if nothing happened the birth would be induced Friday morning (Yehh, this is the first year your birthday falls on the day you were born). So we were just waiting, so excited to know you would be coming home soon. The day of your birth, we were scheduled to arrive at the hospital at 6 am. Daddy was working at a bar and came home at about 4:30 am with some 30 balloons, of every color of the rainbow, for me...for Us. It was so sweet and surprising... Your birth was rather quick, you came out squinting your eyes just looking at me. I was crying as you were looking at me like "hi Mom". You were so tiny that when I picked you up you would not reach my belly button and I always wondered for how long I would be able to carry you. I am proud to say I still can, even with one arm and with you weighing a bit over 50lbs. Sad to say though I am getting close to my limit, you are densely built... but then again moms get this super natural strength that sustain us through the greatest of challenges or help us pick our child as if they were still babies.

Many people say you are the way you are because of the way I have raised you...maybe so but I truly think I can't take all the credit. A lot of it is you, you are an old soul in a little girl's body. I believe we pick our parents to guide us on the journey of our lives. Somehow you looked down and picked me and for this I really just have to say Thank You. You have brighten my life more then I could have imagined, you have allowed me to overcome many fears, you teach me so much everyday with your wisdom. You are my biggest blessing and raising you is my masterpiece.

Happy Birthday mi Nena Hermosa. I love you.

A Sweet Fight b/w my Boy & my Girl....

2007-07-17T03:49:00.001-04:00

believing...

2007-07-11T09:21:00.000-04:00

So I am at a cross road, back to a place where I have been before but experiencing it in completely different terms this time around. I decided a couple of weeks back that if the circumstances don't change, or do but continue to return then I am the one that has to change and maybe just then will true TRANSFORMATION come to be.

So I have...I am at peace, in constant prayer in my heart. So at peace that last night I wondered if I was in denial. I decided that I am not, I am committed although not attached to the outcome. What will be will be...all I ask is for continued growth, a million opportunities, lot's of ideas, creativity, prosperity, time for Simone and I and the chance to make a difference however small. That all that may be only the beginning of something much larger. This time around I truly BELIEVE.

Coming Home!

2007-07-04T00:54:00.001-04:00

So in less than 10 hours you will be home! It had been quite a while since we had been apart for so long and I miss you so. Sometimes I worry because Dad is the fun parent, he doesn't have to do the daily raising but the fun vacation, let's go shopping times. I sometimes worry that in your mind I will be everything but fun but 2 nights ago you said "Mami ya quiero estar en nuestra casita" and my heart smiled because in these past 3 years we have become a team. It is always the 2 of us, everyday and we have other people we love and like sharing with but "you and I", we are home.

On the other hand this time has bee really interesting because you really had a wonderful chance to be part of your dad's family. My family has always been a stronger presence and always around. These 2 weeks were really a chance for you to feel complete with your relationship with your dad and his world.

I just finished fixing your room, having everything ready for your welcome home. I am so happy to have you back, it is summer and there is so much to do together!

Pasos firmes

2007-06-30T01:21:00.000-04:00

Y ella lo miraba alejarse. El caminaba a pasos firmes a su mundo de poesia, suenos y soledad. Ella sentia la tristeza de su alma y sabia que el solo seria realmente feliz en sus brazos. Sin embargo el se alejaba y ella lo despedia con su mirada y lo dejaba volar a su mundo. El regresaria...

El caminaba a pasos firmes pero nostalgicos, sabia que la noche lo miraba como la soledad y el no queria estar solo. Queria estar con su amada, en el fondo era la unica que podia descifrar su feliz pero tormentosa vida. Ya ella no trataba de buscarlas explicaciones del porque no tenerlo a su manera si no al contrario, casi instintivamente lo dejaba seguir volando y sonando que era lo que el amaba. Esa libertad que lo tenia ahora mas cerca de ella....pero a pasos firmes y tristes el se alejaba. Solo lo consolaba ver dibujada en su mente su eterna sonrisa y saber que noches...si noches habran muchas para amarla en noches como esta.

More Tears...

2007-06-27T02:04:00.000-04:00

It is hard to make a little soul understand how stupid and complicated adults are. In theory it sounds so simple...there is a child, we love her, we once loved each other, she wants a family, we have healed and changed and learned, should we give it a shot. Is it even possible? The end of this relationship was painful and completely void of any type of love or respect...how can you back on that? Yet it is so hard to listen to her tears, it is so hard to know that her heart is hurting and that she feels incomplete. It is so hard to know we are causing her pain...

Simone

2007-06-23T04:49:00.000-04:00

Hoy estas en casa de Papa. Viajaste hace una semana y estas feliz. Ademas estas triste de pensar en la eminente despedida...como culparte si con casi 6 anos ya llevas la mitad de tu vida sin el. Tal vez no lo entiendas hasta que tengas hijos pero siendo mama me dan ganas de pintar tu mundo entero de rosa y que nada te falta o te duela. Sin embargo se que el dolor de no tener una familia con papa y mama es el resultado de muchos errores que cometimos los dos. Los ultimos tiempos nos han llevado a mejorar la relacion entre tu papa y yo. Yo me siento sana, el me ve con otros ojos y los dos estamos absolutamente enamorados de ti. Te juro hija que si dentro de mi hubiera la mas minima idea o esperanza de que podria construir una linda familia para ti ahora lo haria. Si hubiera sabido entonces lo que se ahora seguramente tendrias una familia...sin embargo cada uno nace con una historia que tiene que vivir y de alguna manera a ti te toco esta. Una vida diaria al lado de mama, y un papa que te ve a menudo pero esta lejos; unos padres que te aman. Eres lo mas grande de mi vida, tu luz es mi razon y tu sonrisa es mi esperanza. Te amo y te extrano.

A whole new year...

2007-06-11T18:43:00.001-04:00

I have been wanting to write for a while...not a lot but just thoughts on this interesting journey called life. I just turned 32! I have never before felt so complete and excited about a birthday...never did I think about me getting older, I was just focused on how I feel so good. So happy! How all my work has paid off and I have healed in so many aspects of my life. I am really happy for this new year in which I get to create an even better one than the last.